Surviving Love

D Day

I stood in front of the mirror in my bathroom. My hands were braced against the countertop as I gave myself a pep talk. It was just dinner. Dinner was easy. I could do dinner. I needed to calm down. I took a deep breath, bringing my eyes to my reflection. I had tried to tame my hair, combing it to the side with some product. It had worked for the most part. I had a damn colic in the back of my head and no matter what I did, a chunk of hair always had to rebel. I had a pair of light gray pants on and a navy button up. It was my second shirt already, the first had succumbed to sweat. I checked my phone for the time. I blew out a breath, there was no turning back. It didn't matter how much anxiety I had, I wasn't the type of guy to stand a girl up. I stared into the blue eyes looking back at me and took a deep breath.

"Pull yourself together." I muttered before I shoved myself off the countertop and walked out.

I grabbed a black blazer and shrugged it on. It was supposed to be in the mid 60's overnight. Enough of a difference that Anna might get cold, which meant I needed to have a jacket ready. It also meant I'd be sweating even more. Hopefully the undershirt I had on would catch most of it. My mom always stressed the importance of being a gentleman. She drove it home with me to the point it was basically second nature, she missed a little on Jake.

I shrugged my jacket on, walking a couple blocks into town to grab a cab. I figured the fresh air and walk would do me some good.

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"So I told myself I wasn't going to ask but I'm three glasses of wine in and it's driving me crazy." Anna said.

I watched as she took another sip of her red wine.

"Okay?" I asked.

She set her cup down, her brown eyes settled on me. I felt my heart beat a little faster.

"What did she do?" She asked.

I wrinkled my forehead in confusion. My mind switching to overdrive to catch up. Who was she?

"To ruin you?" Anna added seeing my confusion.

I let out a sigh, glancing off to the side. I laughed at myself. How had I thought this wouldn't come up? She had warned me before. I ran my hand through my hair, forgetting that I had tried to tame it and it now probably stuck up at all angles. I cleared my throat, hoping my voice wouldn't waver when I spoke.

"Uh." I let out a sigh. "Well I met her in high school, my senior year. We dated for six years. And one day she just decided it was over."

"What was her name?" Anna asked, she spun the stem of her wine glass between her fingers.

I ran my hand through my hair again, shaking my head. I hated talking about her.

"Maci." I finally said.

"Do you still love her?" Anna asked.

She had stopped spinning her glass, her brown eyes locked on me, watching my every move. I looked down at the tablecloth, a little bit of sauce spilled on it from dinner. I had to be honest with her, there was really no other option in my mind. But I wasn't sure if I even really knew.

I cleared my throat, nodding my head. "I don't really know if it even matters." I said, I wiped my sweaty hands on my jeans. "I haven't heard from her in five years. And even if I had I'm not sure you can put something back together and expect it to work when it was shattered for no good reason."

I finally brought my eyes to Anna's, a little afraid of what I might see. I couldn't tell Anna that I didn't love Maci, I probably always would. But I also knew that no one wants to think the person they're in a relationship with loves anyone other than them. Not that this was a relationship.

"Is that why you think you're emotionally damaged?" She asked.

I let out a chuckle. "I said emotionally unavailable not damaged."

She smiled and I couldn't help the smile that spread across my face too. She was so infectious.

"Same thing." She took a sip of wine, her beautiful brown eyes peering at me from over the rim.

I shrugged, leaning back in my chair as I watched her. She really was nothing short of breathtaking.

"Are you afraid if you fall in love, you'll get your heart broken again?" She asked.

I cocked my head to the side slightly, she held my gaze.

"Are you sure you're in the right field? Maybe you should look into psychology." I offered.

She laughed, her eyes twinkling. I felt my stomach flutter at the sound of her voice.

"I did really enjoy my psych rotation but I'd miss the rush of the ER." She explained. "Answer my question and I'll stop poking at your wounds."

I wondered if she knew how right she had it. Maci was one big giant hole in my otherwise shattered heart. An all consuming hole that left me timid and sore when it came to love.

I groaned, looking off to the side. My heart was beating so hard my chest hurt and I could feel a thin layer of sweat forming on the back of my neck. I sat forward, my elbows resting on the table top. The conversation was literally causing me physical discomfort. I shrugged my shoulders, struggling to get the words out.

"Yeah, I guess." I finally said, my eyes dropped to my hands folded on the table.

I felt Anna's slender fingers wrap around my arm. The warmth from her touch sending goosebumps rushing across my skin.

"You know what I think?" Anna said.

Her voice was soft and I found myself lifting my eyes to hers.

"I think you should try to love like you've never been hurt." She said.

I opened my mouth to say something but I didn't know what to say. I had expected her to say something negative about Maci. Something like "her loss" or "she's an idiot". Thats what everyone said, especially after our initial break up. I hated when people said it, Maci may have broke my heart but she was not an idiot and it wasn't just her loss it was mine too.

"Oh my gosh, do you see that?" Anna asked, pulling her hand from my arm.

I looked in the direction she was pointing. As much as I didn't want to admit it, I wanted her to put her hand back on my arm.

"Look at that cake!" She exclaimed.

I smiled, the stress from our conversation gone as quickly as it had come. Instead I felt a warmth of happiness spread through my body. I raised my hand, flagging our waiter.

"More wine?" He asked, as he approached.

I looked at Anna, her cheeks blushed with embarrassment.

"No, thank you." She said. "I'm one glass past my limit already."

"We will have whatever that is." I said pointing to the cake that Anna had spotted.

"Perfect. I'll get that right out for you."

The waiter turned, leaving us alone once again.

"It looks so good." Anna said, she had one hand on her almost empty wine glass.

Maybe it was the dim lighting, or the dinner full of lobster that was slowly digesting in my stomach, or maybe it was because Anna was the first girl I had let convince me to take her out, or maybe it was what she said. But before I thought against it, I wrapped my fingers around her hand. Her eyes darted to mine, surprised by my actions almost as much as I was.

"This is fun." I said. "Thanks."

She smiled, her eyes twinkled as she laughed softly.

"If you ask me out again, maybe I'll say yes." She said.

"Is that so?" I said holding back my own laughter.

She shrugged her shoulders, biting her lip. "I guess you'll just have to find out."