Surviving Love

Sleep Depreviation

I had been awake for way too long. I was terrified that if I fell asleep I'd miss a phone call. I'd miss something important. I sat on the couch in a daze, a cup of stale coffee in my hand.

"You need to sleep." Skylar said.

I shook my head no.

"I promise I will wake you up if anything changes." He had already said that at least twenty times.

"You haven't slept either." It had been my comeback every single time.

"I've gotten more sleep than you. You're going to be useless when something changes if you don't sleep." And that was his comeback every single time. "Just go to sleep."

"I can't." I drank the stale coffee.

"Give me the coffee, you've head enough." He ordered, his voice clipped.

We were both exhausted in every sense of the word. I couldn't function or think rationally and Skylar was irritated. I handed over my coffee.

"Listen, Whitney is coming over. She should be here any time. Someone will be awake and alert to answer the phone." Skylar said, standing from the couch to get rid of the cup.

I shook my head no again.

"Damn it Jared!" Skylar yelled.

Just as he was about to give me an earful there was a knock on the front door. It wasn't Whitney, she wouldn't have knocked. I jolted from the couch, panic rushing through me at an alarming rate. Skylar put his hand out to stop me from rushing the door.

"Sit. I'll get it." He said.

I didn't sit, but I didn't move either. I watched him walk toward the door. I didn't know what I was expecting. It wasn't like the hospital made house calls to tell you your brother died. Skylar opened the door, his tall frame blocking my view.

"I don't think this is a good time." He told whoever was at the door. "We are kind of dealing with a lot."

"I know, I mean I heard. Levi told me."

It was Maci.

"I just think it'd be better if you left." Skylar insisted.

"Let her in." My voice was raw.

"Jared, I..." Skylar started but I was already crossing the floor to do it myself.

He shook his head at me. I knew what he wanted to say. Maci had screwed me up so bad the first time and she hadn't been making anything easier for me now that she was back. I knew he thought that I should tell her to leave, to leave me alone, that I was done with her. I wanted to tell her that too, most days, but I still hadn't found the words to do so. So instead I let her in my house.

"I'm going to go lay down then." Skylar said, his voice annoyed.

As soon as Skylar had his back to us, Maci had her arms wrapped around me. She fit against me perfectly. I felt the pieces of my heart crumble a little more. There was literally going to be nothing left of it.

"I'm so sorry Jared." Maci said. "Have you heard anything?"

I shook my head. "He's still unresponsive."

I felt her squeeze her arms around me. I rested my chin on top of her head. It was so familiar, her folded into me. It was like she never left.

I didn't know how long we stood there. I was exhausted and almost certain she was bearing a lot of my weight. She didn't complain though. And she didn't try to move.

"Can I get you something to drink?" I asked, my mind slowly remembering the manners my mom had drilled into me.

My chin was still resting on Maci's head. I was too tired to move.