Surviving Love

Breakfast At Tiffany's

I watched as Levi's door swung open. My grip tightened around Anna's hand involuntarily. My heart was hammering through my chest. It was taking everything I had not to turn and run.

"Hey!" Levi's voice boomed. "Come on!"

He waved us into his condo. I couldn't believe I was doing this.

"Anna it's so good to see you again." Levi said, wrapping her up into a hug. "I'm glad this weirdo hasn't scared you off."

I didn't even blink at Levi. I was too consumed with what ifs, my mind rushing through possible scenarios for the night.

"She doesn't scare easy." Skylar commented.

"Thank god." Whitney said. "It's been nice having another girl around to help keep these idiots straight."

Levi laughed, leading us farther into his condo. The hallway opened up into an open concept floor plan. My eyes immediately landed on Maci. She had a glass of white wine in her hand, her brown eyes sparkled as she listened to someone.  My chest clenched.

"I want you to meet a friend of mine." Levi said, holding his hand out to a tall, lanky blond. "This is Inka, she's from Finland."

Inka held her hand out to each of us, stumbling through her hellos. I couldn't focus and I couldn't tear my eyes away from Maci. She was talking to a guy I recognized as one of Levi's friends. He'd been around for a few years but I always had the hardest time remembering his name. My hands were sweating but Anna didn't let go.

"And Skylar and Jared, remember Bobby." Levi said pointing to the guy talking to Maci.

That's right, that's why I never remembered. He insisted on being called Bobby, not Bob or Rob, Bobby. What grown ass man goes by the name of Bobby? I mumbled a hello.

I could feel Maci looking at me but I couldn't bring myself to look back. I just stared at Bobby, with his man bun, and hipster glasses he probably didn't even need.

"Make yourself comfortable guys, I was just about to put out some food." Levi said.

I turned to Anna, my back to Maci. "Let's leave."

She smiled at me as she brought our entwined hands to her lips. "You're fine."

"Yeah I know." I wasn't. "I was just thinking we could get some carry out and go home and watch a movie or something."

"You're fine Jared." She said again. "Now go introduce me."

I closed my eyes for a minute. Why had I agreed to this? When I opened my eyes back up Anna was staring at me, her eyebrows raised.

"Fine." I relented. "Come on."

I led Anna over to where Maci was still standing, locked in conversation with Bobby. I could feel a layer of sweat form across my skin, my stomach growing queasy. I just had to pretend like I wasn't about to fall apart. I couldn't let Maci see.

"Hey Bobby, good to see you man." I said, clapping my hand on his back. I turned to Maci. I thought about just walking away. "Anna this is Maci, Maci, Anna."

"It's a pleasure to meet you." Anna said, holding her hand out to Maci."I've heard so many things about you."

"All good I hope." Maci said with a smile. Her eyes flicked to me briefly.

"Of course." Anna replied.

"How did you and Jared meet?" Maci asked.

Maci's eyes glanced at our entwined hands for the shortest of seconds but it was enough for me to untangle our fingers. I watched the two of them interact. I wasn't sure what I had been expecting but it all seemed so casual. Was I the only one losing my shit?

"We work together in the ER." Anna answered, placing her hand on my arm.

I shoved my hands in my pockets to hide that they were shaking. Maci glanced over at me and smiled. I felt my heart skip, that warm feeling spread throughout my body as my mind played memory after memory of Maci and I. Like a continual loop meant to make me hurt and ache and long for the past. I wanted to grab her, pull her close, feel her body pressed against mine. Feel the soft touch of her skin and run my hands through her long brown hair. I wanted to look into her brown eyes and see the same gold speckled flakes that I knew by heart. Instead I looked down at my shoes, trying my best to keep my heart from imploding.

"I'm going to grab a drink." I told Anna. My voice was thick and foreign to my ears. "Do you want one?"

"Yes please." She said, smiling at me.

"Maci?" I asked.

I cringed at the sound of my voice. I was so unsure of myself.

"Yeah that would be great, thanks." Maci handed me her glass.

It probably wasn't the smartest thing but I left Anna and Maci there to talk. I walked into the kitchen, my hand holding Maci's empty wine glass shook. Maybe if I could avoid Maci all night I could keep my shit together. I didn't want to open up old wounds, they had just begun to close.

I poured more chilled white wine into Maci's glass, it instantly frosted. Little beads of water trickled down, pooling onto the counter top. I grabbed a beer and cracked a new bottle of whatever red wine Levi had around. I carried my beer and Anna's glass in one hand, Maci's in the other.

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My body felt hazy from the alcohol as I stumbled into my bedroom. My fingers were laced with Anna's, pulling her along behind me. She had on this little black dress, it clung to her like it had been painted on. It had helped to distract me all night. Which I was thankful for. I had to get my mind right. I kicked my bedroom door shut, spinning Anna around so her back was pressed against the door. Her mouth met mine in a heated frenzy, hungry for more. I felt her hands against my chest as her fingers deftly undid the buttons of my shirt. I on the hand was much less graceful, tugging at the zipper of her dress frantically. My breathing was erratic, my blood pounding through my veins. I discarded my dress shirt on the floor, pulling the white t-shirt I had on off over my head. My hands found the stupid zipper of her dress again, tugging on it hastily. I broke our urgent kissing, my chest rising and falling as my lungs tried to keep up.

"This damn zipper." I said breathlessly, my forehead resting against Anna's.

She smiled, looking up at me through long thick lashes. Her lips were red and swollen. She slipped the strap off one of her shoulders, biting her lower lip as she kept my gaze. I raised my hand, her skin felt like silk underneath my fingers. I brushed the other strap off her shoulder, letting my hands trail down her body, the dress going with them. She had black lace lingerie on, just enough there to keep you guessing but enough showing to drive a man wild. I took my time letting my eyes drift down her slender body. This was what I needed.

"God you're beautiful." I let out a breath.

"Shut up and kiss me."

She crashed her lips on mine, tangling her hands in my hair. I scooped her up, her legs straddling me. I ran my tongue along her bottom lip, her lips parting so I could deepen the kiss. I shuffled my way toward the bed, my thoughts running wild. My shins hit my bed and we fell with a thud. I had no charm or grace but I didn't care. I just wanted to drown out the memories that were insistent on haunting me.

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This chapter was like torture to write. Which is why it took me so long. I'm in the process of laying out the next 10 or so chapters so bare with me if updates are a touch slower. Also thanks for the well wishes! I'm a fully functioning human being again! -DBR