Surviving Love

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I peeled my tshirt off, throwing it off the roof. The country station was playing in the background. I was sweating like no tomorrow and even though I was making progress it sure felt slow. I sat down on the roof, grabbing a cold thermos filled with water. I took a drink, the ice cold water refreshing. I fished my phone out of my pocket to check the time. What was I kidding? I was checking to see if Anna had texted me. Instead there was a text from a number I didn't recognize.  I unlocked my phone and opened the message.

'Hey Jared, it's Maci. I was hoping to see if you were available for coffee? Is there a day or time that would work best for you?'

I just about chucked my phone. It was instincts to get as far away from the object that caused pain and fear. And Maci caused both. I had been trying my best to pretend that seeing Maci in the hospital had been a dream or a mirage or anything other than real. I ran my hand through my soaked hair. I read the text a couple more times to make sure I wasn't seeing things.

I still hadn't decided if I wanted to get coffee. If I had just dreamed the encounter up which I desperately wanted to believe than it didn't matter. But that text glaring back at me on my phone led me to believe it wasn't a dream. I had in fact saw Maci. I shoved my phone back into my pocket and started on the roof again.

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It took me forever but I finished the roof. I was sunburnt and a little dehydrated but I could officially move on from the shed and it was no longer about to fall over. I emptied my pockets on the counter, grabbing a bottle of water from the fridge. I ran the cold bottle over my head as I stared at my phone on the counter. I had felt it go off a couple times in my pocket but I had been too scared to check it. Every time I thought about it my heart raced and my chest tightened with anxiety. I was still no closer to having an answer for Maci.

"Roof looks good." Skylar commented as he pushed through the front door.

"Thanks." I muttered.

Skylar watched me for a second. His eyes going between my phone and me.

"What's going on?" He asked.

I shook my head. He grabbed my phone off the counter. I didn't have to tell him the passcode, we knew each other's.

"I'm texting her back." He said.

"No don't." I felt panic bubble up inside me.

"Why not?" Skylar snapped. "She shouldn't be texting you. How'd she even get your number?"

I ran my hand through my hair, pulling my phone from his hands.

"I gave it to her." I stated.

"What the fuck Jared?" I stared at the floor. "Seriously? What do you think is gonna happen?"

I shrugged. I had no idea.

"What about Anna?" Skylar asked.

I blew out a breath.

"It's your life man, I'm not gonna stop you but come on." Skylar said. "She fucking left you, high and dry, for no goddamn reason."

"I know." I nodded my head, still staring at the floor.

"Say you went to get coffee and she wanted to get back with you and you guys did. What's stopping her from leaving you again?" Skylar asked.

That was the scariest part of it all. For years I had hoped and prayed and wished she'd come back and tell me it was a mistake, that she wanted me back. And for years I knew I'd take her back in a heartbeat. But now, now there was Anna. Now there was this all consuming fear that if Maci and I got back together and she left, that there wouldn't be anything left of me. And there wouldn't be Anna.

"You know I don't hate Maci. I hate what she did to you." Skylar said after a moment. "I don't want to watch you fall apart again."

I nodded my head, I didn't want to fall apart either. My phone buzzed in my hand. My heart picked up speed instantly.

"Who is it?" Skylar asked.

I swallowed hard, bringing my eyes to my lit up screen.

'Levi said he'd host a get together. Would that be better?'

It was from Maci. I handed the phone to Skylar. I wasn't sure if anything would make seeing Maci easier.

"If you say yes, I'm your damn date." Skylar demanded.

I laughed to myself a little. Skylar didn't play protector often but when he did he was stuck to me like flies on shit.

"If I say yes how about we become a foursome and bring our girls." I suggested.

"I like that even better." Skylar agreed. "I'll sic Whitney on Maci and have Anna keep you distracted."

I shook my head. "I can handle myself."

"Yeah uh huh, you're just as fucked up as me." He said. "Let me know the date and time."

He headed up the stairs not looking back. I opened up Maci's thread, staring at the two texts. The idea of seeing Maci alone was down right terrifying. It was still terrifying to think about seeing her with a group of people but at least her attention wouldn't be focused on me. And now that I brought Anna into the mix, it was going to be something. I still wasn't sure that I even wanted to but I hit reply anyway.

'When was Levi thinking?'

It was safe. I hadn't committed to anything really. I was just inquiring. I could back out. My phone buzzed seconds later.

'Tomorrow night, if that works for you.'

I felt my hands shake and my heart slam against my chest. Tomorrow. Tomorrow was too soon.

'Yeah, I'm off.'

I hit send. Tossing my phone back on the counter. I grabbed a beer from the fridge, ignoring my body's call for something stronger. I walked to my bathroom, chugging back my beer within a few sips, and got in the shower. Now I had to figure out how to ask Anna to meet Maci.

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Hey guys. Sorry this one took me a few days. I threw my back out on Friday night. And being me I didn't just sort of screw my back up, I straight up crippled myself. I couldn't walk or stand up and basically spent a 12 hour period crawling to the bathroom and back to the couch and crying from pain. Luckily my super amazing cousin is a physical therapy assistant and she came over and massaged my back for a solid 12 hours. So I can stand and walk and sort of function like a normal person as long as I have a brace on. I'm also on some pretty strong narcotics and they keep making me pass the fuck out. So needless to say writing hasn't been high up on the priority list. But here it is! -DBR