Surviving Love

Abandoned Water

I stepped out of the shower, dumping my dirty scrubs into my laundry basket. I had a few hours to myself and I had plans to spend it on the couch with maybe a nap squeezed in. My shift at work had been hectic, it wasn't even a holiday but everyone in the surrounding areas clearly hadn't had self preservation in mind when they woke up in the morning. It was one person after the next, with one too many tramas after another.

I rubbed the towel over my hair, leaving it to do what it wanted as it dried. I needed a haircut in the worst way. I threw a pair of basketball shorts on and headed for the kitchen to make some grub before I parked my ass on the couch for the foreseeable future. I nuked a bag of pizza rolls, too impatient to cook them in the oven even though they really were better. I grabbed a bottle of water, the can of hot sauce and my plate and headed for the couch. I turned on Netflix and picked up where I left off on Stranger Things. Skylar got me hooked.

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My eyes flew open at the sound of a knock on my front door. I rubbed at my eyes, trying to brush the sleepiness away. The TV had shut off at some point, leaving the house quiet. Whoever was on the other side of my door knocked again.

"Coming!" I grumbled.

I ran my hand through my hair and shoved myself off the couch. I let out a yawn, shuffling my way across the floor. I pulled the door open, my breath catching in my throat.

"Hi."

I came face to face with Maci. I couldn't find words so I just stared.

"Sorry for not calling first but I didn't think you'd agree to see me if I did. Can I come in?"

I couldn't get myself moving again, I was stuck. I was pretty certain my heart stopped functioning. I shifted on my feet, hoping I could get myself to start responding again.

"Thanks." Maci said.

She stepped through the door, taking my shifting as an answer. I closed the door behind me, still trying to catch up.

"Wow this place looks great Jared." She was standing in between the kitchen and the living room, looking at everything.

"Uh, thanks." I finally managed. "How do...how do you know where I live?"

She smiled. "Levi pointed it out."

I nodded, of course he did.

"Can I get you a drink?" I asked.

"Water please."

I walked into the kitchen, nerves rushing through me. I grabbed a bottle of water from the refrigerator, trying to ignore that I was shaking. I handed the bottle off to her as she sat down on a bar stool. I leaned back against the countertop, my arms folded across my chest as if it might keep my fragile heart together.

"Anna seems nice. How long have you been together?" Maci asked, her fingers trailed along the edge of the countertop.

"A couple months." I said.

"She likes you a lot." Maci told me.

I laughed through my nose, shaking my head a little. What were we doing? This wasn't us. We weren't going to be that couple that became friends after they broke up. I couldn't.

"Why are you here Maci?" I asked.

My voice was quiet and wounded. She had to know how much she hurt me. How much her sitting at my counter, acting all casual, was actually tearing me apart from the inside out.

"I was hoping we could talk." She said.

Her brown eyes were patient and kind when they met mine. I had to look away.

"What is there to talk about?"

She let out a breath. I knew that breath, she was about to drop a bomb on me. My heart started racing, that familiar ache in my chest that Maci had created began to throb.

"I...I just miss you." Maci said, she dropped her eyes to the counter. "I miss being able to talk about things with you and laugh about things. We used to have so much fun."

I felt anger spark through my veins. I clenched my jaw to keep myself from losing my crap.

"I'm staying in town for a little while." Maci told me. If she knew I was a pot about to blow its lid she didn't let on. "I hope we can see each other more often than not."

I stared at the tile backsplash. My jaw ached and my muscles were tense. I saw Maci stand from the bar stool out of the corner of my eye. She walked toward me, her bottle of water abandoned on the countertop.

"Jared." She stopped in front of me, my heart was racing. I felt her place her hands on my biceps, her hands warm against my skin. I felt goosebumps rush along my arms. "Look at me."

Every part of me was screaming to tell her to leave. She couldn't just walk back into my life and tell me she missed me. I thought I had wanted her to but now that she was standing here I couldn't take it.

"Look at me." She said again.

I did. Because I never could deny Maci anything. She bit down on her lower lip, her brown eyes searched my face. I felt my anger melt away. Why was it that easy to forget that there wasn't my broken heart, 5 years, 240 miles and a million unsaid things between us?

"I miss you. More than you know." Maci told me.

I wanted to forgive her. I wanted her to tell me she wouldn't leave me again. I wanted her to say the past 5 years was a horrible nightmare. But she didn't.

It was like slow motion. I felt her fingers tighten around my biceps to steady herself as she pushed up onto her toes. The gold flecks in her brown eyes disappeared behind her thick dark lashes. Her full lips grew closer to mine, our noses brushed against each other. I could smell her shampoo, it was different than what she used to use. Her breath was warm on my face as her lips pressed against mine.

I stood rigid. Mostly from shock. It was a dream, a wonderfully horrible, mind-fucking dream. It had to be.

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These chapters are so hard for me to write. Jared's so conflicted but he's still Jared. Which makes it difficult.