Surviving Love

Goose Chase

I jolted awake, my heart slamming in my chest. I pressed my hand to my chest, trying to soothe away some of the panic that was ripping through me. I ran my hand through my hair, my skin erupting in goosebumps as the cold air hit my damp body. I hated waking up from a nightmare. I never could fall back asleep afterward so I just spent the day rattled and exhausted from it. I looked at my clock, I had gotten five hours of asleep. It was more than my normal. I climbed out of bed and threw on a pair of gym shorts and my running shoes. Running was the best way to ease some of the anxiety that lingered after my nightmares. I was on the street moments later, my feet pounding into the pavement.

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I dropped into one of the lawn chairs on my porch when I got back from my run. I was dripping sweat, my chest heaving. My neighbor was on his porch, just watching the city life. Our eyes connected and I waved. He nodded his head. I wondered if we'd ever actually meet or if all he'd ever be to me was the neighbor on his porch across the street.

I leaned back in the chair, closing my eyes for a minute as the breeze whipped under the porch roof. My phone went off in my pocket, breaking the moment of peace.

"Hey dad." I said as I answered it.

"Hey bud. So, your brother hasn't been showing up to work the past few days. I can't seem to get ahold of him on the phone either. How's he doing? Is he around? Have you talked to him?" My dad's voice was gruff through the phone, he was all business.

"Uh yeah, no. I've missed him too the past couple days. My work schedule has been nuts."

I went inside as I spoke and up to Jake's room. I had to shove the door open with my shoulder, a sweatshirt was jammed underneath it.

"Is he back drinking a lot?" He asked.

I ran my hand over my head, I couldn't tell if he'd been home or not. The damn room was a mess.

"No he's been pretty good recently." I said.

"Where is he then?"

I turned myself in a circle in the room, looking for God only knows what.

"I'll check with a couple of buddies, he's probably just been hanging out or something."

I was trying to down play it but the increase in my heart rate told me otherwise. If Jake wasn't coming home and wasn't showing up to work he was back to drinking, smoking, and whatever else. Which meant I had screwed up.

"You know son, I know you love him I do too, but him staying with you doesn't seem like it's doing much. Your mom's gonna be pissed at me for telling you this but the only way that boy's gonna learn is if we all stop rescuing him. He needs a good dose of the real world and he's not getting it at your house."

I sighed, shaking my head. Maybe I wasn't tough enough or maybe I was too much like my mom but there was no part of me that could kick Jake out. I'd always come to his rescue. I was his big brother. That's what I was supposed to do.

"Well listen, I gotta go. You tell him when he finally shows up again, he's out of a job for good this time. I can't keep bringing him on to jobs and having him not show up. My guys that do show up are getting pissed and they're getting behind."