38. My life without him

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(Beam)

For the last time, I silently mutter my thanks to all the things N'Lily had brought to my life. It might be a short encounter, but I'm glad I got to know a wonderful person like her. She had taught me a lot which I will always treasure in my heart. I know that wherever she is right now, she's healthy and happy.

She's our angel now.

I throw the last petal of the flower in the Chao Phraya River where we scattered her ashes. She's free as the wind, and her memory will always be in our hearts...

One by one, the people who come to bid their final goodbye are starting to leave the place. Lily's parents mutter their gratitude for being with them till the end before they head off. Meanwhile, I choose to stay a little longer, watching the blue sky and water, as I reminisce all the fun things we did together.

Death might be a painful process of human life, particularly to the people who are left behind. We might even think that it's the end of everything, but looking on the brighter side, it could also mean of a new beginning. It makes us stronger, able to continue living with the belief that our love ones are now in paradise...

I was too absorbed with my own thought when I feel the presence of a tall figure who sidles up beside me. I don't need to turn around to know who it is.

"It's getting dark. We should head back," Forth said in his tender voice that never fails to give me solace.

He accompanied me today. Actually, he knows of this day, too. I just found out from Lily's parents that Forth was present every day of her wake, though only for a short time. Sometimes, he also stayed a bit longer to help Lily's parents in attending the guests. He might have met Lily once, but because he knew how important she was for me, he wanted to show the merit on my behalf while I was out of senses.

'What would my life become without him?' I thought ruefully. 'Past Beam, keep on doing all the good things. You have the brightest future ahead with this engineer. And you, present Beam, stop acting like a drama queen. Once you lose him, you'll be in a trash dump.'

So, without further ado, I grab his necktie to claim his lips. Oh, I miss this. I miss him so much. Despite the negative feelings I have right now, I'm only sure of one thing. Forth. He's my haven in this cruel world; my beautiful reality in all ugly truths. And Kit is right. I will never let anyone steal him from me. Ever. They have to cross hell before they can do it.

A great astonishment is written all over his handsome face once we broke apart. Aside from that, there is amusement in his eyes.

"Never see that coming," he said. "Can I have another one?"

I act as if considering it, except that I have already made my decision even before he approached me.

"Take me home and I'll let you have another one...or maybe, if I'm in the mood, I can let you have more just a kiss." Well, I don't want to create a scene in here. People might get envious. Kidding!

Taking my subtle invitation and ludicrously behavior, Forth breaks into an endearing smile.

"What are we waiting for then? Let's go." Then he grabs my hand to gently tug me where the car parked.

I can't help but grin as I feel pumped up, excited, and more alive than I was those past days.

We are about to set off when we notice Pete standing in front of his car with its hood open. He was also at the cremation ceremony since he, at some point, had also gotten close with the girl. He said, he would head back first. However, it seems like his car broke down. Seeing this, Forth, the fucking knight in shining armor, is to the rescue.

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