BLAKE

Chapter 35

PLEASE, MY EPISODE READERS, NO SPOILER <3

It's been a really rough couple of weeks for all of us since Clara died, especially for me.  I still feel guilty, I keep seeing her lifeless body sometimes when I close my eyes. 

The police questioned all of us and Lauren is now locked up in a state mental hospital. It's a breakdown, they said. Apparently losing her popularity made her lose her mind to the point of wanting to kill us all and I keep wondering how it is possible. How can something so futile make you lose your mind, make you become a murderer?

This is something I will never understand. 

I was popular a long time ago, and even though they hurt me, it never occurred to me to hurt them. Even when Joane had Tyler at her mercy, I didn't feel well, I didn't want that. 

Joane... 

Luckily she got out of the hospital a couple of days after that night. The bullet didn't touch any organ, she was very lucky. 

I don't know what I would do if I had lost her that night. 

She's like a sister to me, I don't want anything to happen to her. 

Anyway tonight we are all partying at Tom's house, even Liam is here. I think we all need to relax after everything that has happened these past weeks and Tom's house was the best place to do so. 

"So how are things between you and Liam?" Joane asked. We were both sitting in the garden, away from the crowd while she was smoking a cigarette. 

"Everything is perfect. He is perfect." I answered feeling the butterflies in my stomach. 

"You really are a lucky girl you know? Seems like you changed him." She crossed her arms and smiled. "And I should hate you for that." 

I blushed, not knowing what to say. I know Joane loved him and here I am talking about him like she never felt anything for him. 

"You're lucky I love you too much now. " She added, reassuring me. I never know how to talk to her when it comes to Liam, I don't really know if she really did forget him or if somehow she's lying. Maybe she still feels something for him, maybe she's just trying to be a good friend here. 

"So... Did you two...?"

"No." I knew exactly what she was trying to ask. "We didn't do anything. I'm not ready yet..." I looked down, Joane is the only person who truly knows the meaning of those words and it still hard to talk about that kind of stuff with her. I know she can see through me, I know there's no lying to her. 

"You should talk to him Blake..." She sighed, "He has the right to know." 

"I can't tell him, I just can't Joane. He wouldn't see me in the same way-"

"This is not true. I see the way he looks at you, this wouldn't change anything Blake, you have to trust him."

"I can't. This is not just about me. This is about him too. What if he wants to talk to John? You know how he is, what if he does something stupid? He would go to jail or worst, John would have him killed. I can't risk it. I can't risk his life. I just..." I sighed, catching my breath, "I just don't want things to change. When I'm with him, I feel happy, I feel like I'm just a normal girl, I can't ruin that, I don't want to ruin what we have." 

"I think you're wrong. Liam is not stupid, he will find a solution, he will-"

"No." I stated sternly. "I said no. I'm not gonna change my mind. Stop trying to convince me. You're not in my shoes, you don't know what I'm living, you don't have the right to tell me what to do when you have no idea who John is and what he is capable of." And with that I stood up and walked inside the house. My hands were shaking, this conversation had really upset me. What is she thinking? That it's easy to just tell him everything? No, it's not. It would change everything, he would not look at me in the same way, he would be in danger. I can't risk it. I can't tell him.