AMACON 4: SERENDIPITOUS (30-Day Writing Challenge)

Feel Again

AMACon 4: Serendipitous
English FF Day Twenty Nine: Being in love is not the same as loving.

They say love comes when you least expect it. It comes when you're not even looking for it. It comes at the most inconvenient time. Mine came when I thought I already had it.

"Maine, limang taon. Limang taon, tapos ganon lang? Ano to? Isang araw nagising ka na lang na hindi mo na ako mahal? Maine naman."

I sat there crying, my head bowed, watching my tears fall to my hands. He was the last person I wanted to hurt, but I knew I'd just hurt him more if I didn't end it between us. He paced back and forth in front of me and then kneeled and touched my cheek.

"Maine... where did I go wrong? Saan ako nagkulang? Please tell me, itatama ko... pupunuan ko. Please Maine, don't do this."

Seeing him break in front of me was breaking me twice over. But it would be unfair to him if I didn't tell him the truth.

"Please don't ever think na nagkulang ka or nagkamali. You're perfect. You're everything anyone could ever wish for. Please never think that I didn't love you because I did. I still do. I love you and I probably always will... but..."

"But you're not in love with me anymore... you're in love with him."

I could only nod and burst out crying harder. He took my hands and rested his forehead on them as he cried out his broken heart.

"I'm so sorry... I didn't mean for any of it to happen. I tried so hard to resist. I mean, I don't even know him. But I don't want to be unfair to you. You're too good of a man and I thank you for the five wonderful years. I'm so so sorry, Dexter. I have to go. My shift will start in half an hour."

He shifted my hands to his cheek and looked up at me. His tears were breaking me apart but my heart could not take lying to him anymore. After I've told him, I would never feel guilty of my feelings anymore. Slowly, he let go of my hands, then wiped his tears. I stood up and pulled him up with me. I held his face and said my final goodbye.

"I wish you all the best, Dex, I really do. I wish you find the woman for you, the one who will make you happy. Someone who can love you better than I did. I'm going to miss you, but I think it's best that we part ways for now. Goodbye, Dex."

He held my hands on his cheeks and cried one last time, until I pulled my hands and walked away.

I hastily wiped my tears as I returned to my car and drove to the hospital.

"Today, I will tell him. I need to tell him. Maybe if he can really hear me, then he'll fight and wake up."

I parked my car and checked my face one last time on my visor mirror before alighting my car. I went straight to the lockers to change into my scrubs and start my day.

When I got to his room, his sister was still there.

"Oh, hi. Andito ka pala. Balik na lang ako?" I said, a little embarrassed because the last time I was there with her and their father, they teased me as her brother's favorite nurse.

"Ay, ikaw pala. No, halika pasok. Paalis na din naman ako. Kuya, alis na ako ha. Mamaya daw dadaan sila dad." She kissed his forehead, whispered bye and turned to me. I've witnessed how much she's changed over the past months from being sad and hopeless at the sight of her brother, to livelier and happier now.

"Sige, mauna na ako. Ikaw na muna ang bahala sa kanya ha." She took one last glance at him before she left smiling at me and even winked right before she closed the door.

I couldn't help but smile and snort at her gesture. Clearly, she was shipping me and her brother. I smiled weakly at my handsome patient before I went ahead and checked his chart and completed his checklist for my shift. And because I had a very difficult morning, I wanted to tell someone and I couldn't understand why he was the first I wanted to tell. But I sat on the visitor's chair anyway and attempted to make small talk at his sleeping form.