My Anxiety Is Silent (STARCO)

Chapter 6 - Holding Your Hand Makes Me Feel Safe

Stars P.O.V
Have you ever been called a freak? People said I was a Star Wars freak all the time but now it's a different kind of freak. They call me a freak because they actually think I am a crazy person, someone not sane. They think that anxiety is something to laugh at, something to humiliate me about. I thought that maybe since I feel safer at a different home that it would get better at school but it only got worse, stupid me for thinking it could get better! I would be sitting in class and all the sudden my breathing would just stop and negative thoughts would flood my head. Thankfully Marco's in most of my classes so that he can help me through them. Usually when I have an anxiety attack I ask if I can go to the bathroom, today was different.

It was seventh period, almost the end of the day. So far my anxiety was leaving me alone today but that was the problem, it left me alone until it came and it was worse than ever. My breathing stopped and negative thoughts entered my head. I tried breathing in and out but then I started breathing faster, my eyes were going all fuzzy, and I was shaking. From the corner of my eye, I could barely see Marco looking at me concerned. He grabbed my hand and rubbed it like he usually does but my hands still shook and my breath was still going fast. I had to get out of there so what did I do? I just stood up and ran out the door and into the hallway. Tears were falling and I felt like screaming and then I fell to the ground.

"Star!?" I could faintly hear Marco's voice, everything sounded like as if I was in a tunnel. His arms wrapped around me and I sobbed into him. My vision was coming back but I was still shaking uncontrollably and breathing wildly.

"Hey Star, look into my eyes. Okay, now breathe. In...and out." I followed as Marco said. My breathing still didn't slow and that made my shaking worse.

"Marco...I'm scared....I...cant stop....this anxiety attack." My voice was broken by my heavy breathing. This was terrifying, like I was stuck in a whole new world, one I wanted to get out of.

"Don't be scared. You're going to be okay. Just hug me and sob for as long as you need, let it all out." Marco wiped tears from my face and pulled me back into a hug.

"Marco!! Is Star okay?" Janna suddenly screamed, running to us. I wanted to tell her that It almost felt like I was dying, but I stayed quiet.

Marco's P.O.V
I was worried about Star. She's never had an anxiety attack like this. Why did it have to be Star? Why couldn't I be the one with anxiety attacks!? I'm already not the most sociable person, why couldn't I just trade places with her. She deserves so much better.

"Marco!! Is Star okay?" Janna's voice boomed down the hallway. I looked up to see her running towards me and Star.

"No...she's not actually. This is the worst anxiety attack she's ever gotten." I say as Janna's eyes looked hurt for Star.

"Marco...I c-can't see....anything," Stars voice trembled and I quickly looked at her. Her breathing hadn't slowed down at all and her shaking was worse...she started sobbing again. "I'm scared Marco. What is...what is happening to me!?!"

"Okay Marco. I know that this is going to sound weird but I read that it helps anxiety attacks. Kiss her." My heart stopped and it took me a minute to process what Janna just said to me.

"W-what!? Janna-" She stopped me mid-sentence.

"Marco! It's the only other option we have." Janna said while looking at me straight in the eyes.

"What's the other option?" I didn't want to kiss her, that may freak her out more!

"Watch her breath and sob for a long time." Okay, definitely don't want her to have to go through this any longer.

"You promise it will work? It won't just freak her out more?" I ask, she sighed annoyed but answered politely.

"Yes, now hurry and help her." Janna gave me a motion to hurry so I did. I grabbed Stars face and wiped some tears before, nervously, bringing my lips to hers. Her breath stopped and soon slowed down. I backed away and could see Star slightly blushing, probably embarrassed.

"Why did you kiss me?" Star asked with her voice almost back to normal.

"Janna said that it would help your anxiety attack." I said while looking down at the ground only to see Stars and I's hands intertwined. Her hand wasn't shaking anymore so I let go of her hand but she pulled it back.

"Sorry I just...holding your hand makes me feel safe." Star smiled and I smiled back.

"Sorry to ruin the moment but...should we get back to class?" Janna asked with a giant smirk on her face.

"Why are you smirking Janna? Yes we should go back to class, but answer my question first." Janna only laughed and started walking back to class, completely ignoring me.

"Janna...is very strange." I said and heard Star laugh.

"Yeah, that's Janna...weird." Star giggled while standing up.

"Now...lets go back to class." Star was back to her smiling, positive self. It amazes me how she's so happy after that attack.

"Am I the only one who hates the Science teacher?" I asked randomly.

"Nope, she is such a totally mean person." We both laughed as we arrived at the Science door. We walked in and Ms. Nell looked at us with a stern face.

"Look...I was sick so I ran out to the hallway and didn't make it to the nurse and threw up in the hallway trash." Star said to the teacher.

"Just sit down." My eyes widen at how easily she was taking this. I'm glad she did though, I would've fought to defend Star.

"Hey Marco, you can let go of my hand now." Stars voice snapped me out of my thoughts.

"Oh yeah, sure." Our hands let go and her warmth left my mine. As I sat down I felt someone tap me on my back. I turn to see Janna with the smirk still on her face.

"What Janna?" I raise my eyes in confusion waiting for her to answer. She rest her chin on her hand and I was even more confused as to why she was so happy.

"Do you have a crush on Star?" My eyes widen. Of course I don't, she's my friend! We're just friends...right? I gotta say the kiss was...nice but I did it for her not because I have a crush on her! Janna just stared at me. I didn't know what to say, it was too soon to have a crush on her but was I really falling for her that fast?

"Sorry I just...holding your hand makes me feel safe."

Star's words replayed in my mind and I couldn't help but smile at the thought. Then I remember her laugh, it's amazing, it makes me smile. Everything about her makes me smile honestly. Her positive attitude makes my day, even if she is different, she's amazing. I love her. Wait...oh my gosh, have I really fallen for Star Butterfly?