My Anxiety Is Silent (STARCO)

I Hate Myself

Star's P.O.V
Our date was just two hours away! I could barely get dressed because I was super excited. Who knew that someone make me this happy. He's the first person in a while to make me feel something other than depressed.

Getting ready for a date is kind of stressful. You have to figure out what to wear, makeup, and hair. I frantically grab the dress I picked out for today, light blue with white lace on the bottom, and put on black high heels. I'm not one for makeup so I just out a little foundation on and keep my hair the way it is.

"Star! You look amazing!!" Janna snuck up behind me while I was looking in the mirror. She smiles at me and hugs me.

"Thanks Janna. I'm really excited but really nervous." I laugh a bit and realize that my heart was beating a fast.

"Don't be, I know that you two will work out." I hope you're right Janna because I really love him! The doorbell rang which drew me out of my thoughts.

"That's him! Come on, let's go see him!" Janna grabbed my hand and rushed downstairs. I found it funny how Janna is so excited about this. The door opened to reveal Marco Diaz. He was wearing his regular outfit but he was holding a little black box. I smiled at how he was staring at me.

"You look...amazing Star!" Marco walked towards me smiling like the dork he is.

"You look great too, Marco. What's in the box?" I point to the velvet box he was holding.

"Well, find out for yourself." He handed the box to me and I slowly opened it and saw a golden necklace with a star at the bottom. A smile spread across my face and I put it on.

"It's awesome, I love it! Thank you so much." Marco smiles and Janna snaps a picture of us. Marco grabs my hand.

"We should get going. First off, ice cream!" I jumped up and down.

"I love ice cream. Let's go!!" We left the house and headed to the ice cream place. We sat at the table after ordering our ice cream. We talked some more about ourselves. I told him how my mom died and I was adopted by Lilly and Ryan. He seemed shocked that Lilly killed my mom, and he also hated how bad she treated me. It was really sweet how much he cared about me.

Marco told me some interesting stuff about his past. He told me that he lost his mom and his dad abused him a lot after her death. It felt he was leaving a part of his story out though. He only told me like half of his life, it seemed. I didn't want to be nosy but I wanted him to be honest so I asked him about it.

"Marco, is there...something about your life that you don't want me to know?" He tensed up at my words which answered my question.

"Y-yeah, I'd rather not say. You probably wouldn't trust me if I told you and its not me anymore." I gave him a stern look and grabbed his hand.

"Marco you know that no matter what, I'll love you. Just tell me and I promise that I wont hate you." I smile but he sighs and doesn't smile back.

"Once my mother died and my father abused me, I went into a dark place. My attitude was no longer a sweet person, instead I was mean and bullied everyone. The school I used to go to was the same one Janna went to and" He started tearing up so I quickly scooted next to him and hug him, "for some reason Janna was my target for bullying the most. Somehow she forgave me but I just want you to know Star, that I've changed but if I ever hurt you please get away from me."

"I promise. Now, how about we go to the park and eat something?" It hurt me to see Marco sad. It shocked me a bit that he used to be like that but that's not him anymore.

"Yeah, that sounds good." Marco wiped away his tears and gave me a quick kiss. My face went red and I covered my face to keep him from seeing it. Thankfully he didn't notice!

At the park we sat down on the bench where we were the night when he gave me his hoodie. I still have that hoodie actually, I wonder if he just has a closet full of red hoodies. It was silent until I blurted out the burning question.

"Do you just have a closer full of red hoodies?" Marco laughed a bit before he started nodding.

"Yeah I do. I like red and I like hoodies so I bought a dozen of them. Why do you ask?" I laughed at his answer.

"Well, you gave me your hoodie that one night and you have another one on so...yeah." I thought of that night. When he said he would adopt me, the night I started actually falling in love with him, the night that my life started picking up.

"I hate myself." I don't know where this came from but it was the honest truth.

"That's okay," Marco looked at me sweetly "I'll just have to love you enough for the both of us until you can see yourself the way I do." I smiled and almost cried.

"How did you even fall in love with me?" I laughed but Marco grabbed my shoulders and looked me in the eye.

"Because you're amazing! You aren't normal and I love that. No matter how many times other people tell you different, I will tell you a thousand times more that you're super awesome just the way you are." He pulled me in and kissed me gently. Something seemed to wake up inside of me. For once, I actually felt like my life was worth living and that life sucks but I'll just push through it. Marco's lips separated from mine but I pulled him into a tight hug.

"I love you so much Marco!" I shouted a bit louder than I had expected but didn't care. Marco and I stayed in the hug for a couple minutes but soon pulled away and went to get food. The rest of the night went by quickly and I didn't want to leave him. We ended up talking until almost 12am before we finally went home. I don't care how cheesy it sounds but...no words can describe how much I love Marco Diaz.