My Anxiety Is Silent (STARCO)

What Happened

*three years ago*

Marco's P.O.V
Everything has changed starting from the moment my mom died. I was only 12 when she had died. After about a year, my father left me alone with my sister Chloe. He left because he was too caught up in my mom's death and he didn't want to take care of us. When Chloe was 18, I had just become 13, when she took care of me and our house. It was a lot to hand for a eighteen year old but she pushed through and still does.

Chloe didn't change at all after everything but me...I changed from a sweet twelve year old to a bad boy teen. I would push people around, bully them, and say hateful things. There was never a single day that went by without me bullying someone. Since I was such a jerk at the time, I didn't care what others felt like or what they were going through. Like Janna...she was already getting bullied by other people and I made everything worse for her. She is an amazing person and didn't tell anyone about people bullying her, she just hid and hurt herself.

One day I decided to put her through such a terrible experience. It was the day that I discovered she was cutting herself. How could a thirteen year old cut herself? Answer is...because of me. Janna did it because I pushed her around every day. There was no reason for me bullying just her but I did and I hate myself for what I did to her that one day.

"Everyone please listen up!! I have a GREAT thing to show you all." I said as everyone in the halls stopped to look at me. Once Janna passed me I quickly grabbed her arm and pulled her next to me.

"What do you want, Marco?" Janna avoided my eyes. She crossed her arms and was looking off to the side.

"I just wanted to tell everyone that you shouldn't exist. I mean seriously, you're so insecure that you cut yourself!" My voice wasn't quiet, it was loud like I was shouting some great news. Jannas head snapped up and she turned red.

"T-thats not true, shut up!" Janna screamed while backing away from me. My hand gripped onto her wrist and she whimpered.

"Not true huh? Pathetic." I pushed her sleeve up to reveal all the scars she had. Everyone around us went quiet before exploding into laughter. It makes me sick thinking about that now.

"Leave me alone Diaz!!" Janna pulled her sleeve back down and stood up boldly.

"Why Janna? All you do is cry, cut yourself, and show how pathetic you are!" My hand was pushing her back farther and farther until she was pressed up against the wall. Some tears we're formed at her eyes but she sniffed them away.

"Why can't you just leave me alone? All you do is shove me around and live a miserable life. Why can't you just be nice for one second and help me?" Janna's words shot something through me. She was now sobbing with both her hands pressed against my shoulders, trying to push me away but I was too strong.

"You don't know anything about me or my life so shut up and go disappear!!" I screamed and could see Janna get furious. Her hands full on pushed me to the ground.

"You want me to disappear, Marco? Fine....Ill disappear!!" She screamed back and pushed through the crowd. After that I didn't know what happened to her, there were people saying that she killed herself, she ran away, or that she just went home and never left.

Over the three years I had become a better person. Chloe had seen what was happening to me and talked to me about it. Her words really got through me and I wanted to start over. Staying at Martin was terrible so I convinced Chloe to move, and we did. Before we left I promised myself two things. One was to never speak to anyone because I was afraid of becoming a bad person again and two was to never fall in love. Not even a month later and I've already talked and fallen in love. It's easy for me to fall in love though because there are so many people that are mean these days. So whoever is nice...I tend to just fall in love right away.

*present*
Now here I am, not being able to fall asleep because all I can think about is how I'm going to apologize to Star. I really messed up but I want to fix it. If I don't Ill loose her forever and I don't want that. Star is seriously such an amazing person and I don't want to lose her, I can't lose her. I have to apologize and I hope she forgives me.