My Anxiety Is Silent (STARCO)

We Should

Star's P.O.V
I decided to look in Janna's room, I missed her. It happened so fast and I didn't even notice that she was hurting. I feel really guilty about her death, it's all my fault! I should've noticed she was hurting. Janna was my best friend, why didn't I notice?

I shake thoughts away as I enter Janna's room. It felt empty and sadness ran over me and I was reminded, once again, of the image of Janna jumping off the bridge. This keeps haunting me and never leaves my mind. I should've just grabbed her and pulled her off the bridge.

My eyes scanned the room and landed on a piece of paper that was rested on top of her desk. I released a breath and slowly walked towards the note. Shaking, I grabbed the note and opened it up. Tears formed in my eyes as I realized what this was. My heart stopped then shattered into a million pieces.

I've been planning this for a while now. Please, Star and Marco, don't blame yourself for this. I'm sorry for what I did but it was meant to happen to me.

I have a couple secrets and the first thing I want to say is that I have a crush on Marco. I've liked him since I found out that he was nicer. I stayed quiet because he deserves Star, and they're the cutest couple ever, so please stay happy.

Another thing is that I have anxiety almost every day. I didn't tell anyone because I didn't want to drag them into the big mess called my life. I wanted to help Star because she deserves to live a great life and if no one helps her, she'll loose herself like I did.

Marco, please help Star. Star, please help Marco. Help each other.

I was crying and shaking uncontrollably after I finished reading it. Everything seemed to slow down and get darker. I wanted to hug Janna and tell her that everything was going to be okay but it isn't okay. Janna deserved to be alive as much as I did, why didn't I help her? My phone started ringing, it was Marco.

"Hey Marco." My voice was raspy and sounded almost distant. Marco sighed before answering.

"Are you...okay?" The question almost seemed comical. Of course someone would ask me if I'm okay when I'm quite the opposite of okay.

"Please come over, I need you." There was a bit of silence and I was worried that something happened until he finally spoke again.

"Sure, be right there." He hung up as soon as he said that and I started crying again. I thought of Janna and how she smiled even though she was hurting. It was kind of selfish that I never asked if she was actually doing okay. She always checked on me, made sure that I was tough and fighting through rough times, I never did that for her.

"Star...?" I look up to see Marco standing above me. He sat besides me and wrapped his arms around me.

"I'm a horrible person, Marco! I never noticed that she was hurting, I never asked how she really was, and I never told her that she's amazing!" Marco hugged me tighter and ran his hand up and down my back.

"You're not horrible, she was good at hiding that she was broken so you couldn't have noticed." I cried harder as I felt my whole body ache at how long I've been crying.

"She could've been happy. You could've helped her but she never got a chance to be with you! I stole you before she got a chance to ask you out." Marco quickly backed away from the hug and looked straight into my eyes.

"What are you talking about? She would've hated going out with me!" I looked away from him and handed the note over. He hesitantly took it and read through it. Once he was finished he put a hand on my back and put the paper aside. I looked back over at him and couldn't quite read his face expression but he was nervously looking around the room.

"Star, I think...that we should..." Marco was looking down at the ground and almost crying. I grabbed his face and made him look at me.

"We should what? It's okay Marco, just say what you need to say." He nodded before nervously grabbing my arm and rubbing my hand.

"I think that we...should break up." Instantly my eyes shot back up to look at him. Nothing could describe what was running through my head and heart when he said that. No, I couldn't loose him! Why now? Why ever would he want to break up? Did I do something wrong? Am I seriousy that bad of an idiot that I didn't notice he wanted to break up or is this a misunderstanding? This isn't real...right?