Now or Never ~ J.JK [Completed]

⚫Chapter 5⚫

"if you love her, remember that on the bad days"

Time Stamp: 07:00pm
Jk's p.o.v

You know there was a time, when I wondered why I was stuck with such a troublesome task of looking after her, always having to stay by her side, to always be her knight in shining armor, don't get me wrong it's not like I'm complaining, on the contrary I actually enjoyed, having her depend on me, I felt happy but what hurt, was the fact that she only depended on me as a friend and nothing more, that's all she seemed to deem me as a friend, sometimes I wondered if her feelings for me would ever change, I wondered if she'd feel the same way, I did when I looked at her smiling face, or the way she slept so peacefully.

Sometimes I'd think about just quitting and leaving her with someone else, like someone she, in deed did love, but when I see her smiling face, I always felt a certain way in my heart, whenever I saw her talking to another guy whether she was laughing or smiling I felt jealous, back then when those guys used to bully her, about her father's death, I only wanted to beat them to a bloody pulp, that time 6 years ago, when I saw her, on the hospital bed, the IV connecting to her hand, the way her breathing was labored, the beads of sweat that formed on her forehead, the beeping of the life machine, I cried, honestly I cried, seeing the way she was, that's when I knew, why I stuck around so long, why I always got jealous, back then, I knew that......

I loved her.

My feelings were realised on that day, since then, I've been nothing but happy staying by her side, seeing her smiling face everyday was everything I could've asked for, but I wanted more, I wanted to be the only person, that she'd depend on, I wanted to be the person that she'd build her life with, create a family, everything, I wanted to be that person.

But it all seems to be a wish, a wish that will never be granted.

I know sooner or later, I'll have to give her up to someone else, as I watched other couples roaming the streets, sometimes I'd steal a glimpse at her and intertwine our hands together, she sees it as a friendly gesture, but to the outside world, we look like a couple and honestly, I'm not complaining.

But I know that one day, I'll have to watch her walk down the aisle, one day I'll have to watch her hold someone else's hands, I'll have to watch her kiss another man, she'll be smiling at him instead of me, laughing at his jokes instead of mine, holding his hand, instead of my own.

She'll bare his children, start a family with him, she'll build a life with him, I know I should be happy for her, but honestly, when that day comes, will I be able to let go, I know I need to but honestly......

God please, I'm begging you, don't let that day come, don't let the day that I need to give her away, show its face, please........don't......ever.
I just want her smile to belong to me, I want her heart to belong to me only, me and our future kids, even so why do I feel like, that day is soon approaching, the day that I'll need to let her go, why.....

When that day comes, I'll probably just, I'll probably........god.....please just.......don't......don't let that day arrive.

I don't want to let her go, I wanna continue being her anpanman, I want to continue being her knight in shining armor, her prince on a white horse, and honestly I'd do anything, to just stay by her side, forever, I wanna stay with her, until our dying days, until we take our last breath and even then, I want to be with her in the after life, it's selfish I know........

But what's wrong with being selfish, even for just a little bit.

~♥~~♥~~♥~

Her eyes shut tightly, as her breathing became heavier, he held her hand in his own, trying to keep it together, trying his best not to cry, he needed to stay strong for her, when she opened her eyes, she needed to see him smiling, he needed to see her smile, but he couldn't help it, tears falling from the confines of his eyes, he felt it.

A weak trembling hand, touched his forehead, pushing his bangs behind his ear, his eyes met her own, and guess what, she was smiling through the pain, seeing her smiling like that, he decided to always stay be her side from that day forward.

"don't worry kook, I'll be ok"

He hears her small voice, that sounded more like a whisper, nodding his head, he pushed back her bangs from in front of her forehead, one hand cupping her cheeks, he smiled although he was crying.

"of course you will, but I'm so sorry t-that there's nothing I can do for you, I failed, I failed as your anpanman"

He said crying his eyes out, she smiled suddenly, although it took all her energy, she sat up, pulling him closer to her, hugging him, his head resting on her chest, combing one hand through his hair, she hummed quietly.

"you're here and that's enough for me, kook, just promise you'll always stay by my side, we'll get through this, and then we can go skiing again, OK?"

She said hugging him tighter, she was trying her best to cry, but she knew, that it would only take a little more time, before her body, shuts down completely, but until then, she just wanted to stay by his side.

"stay with me"

~♥~

Laying down on the blanket, our eyes looking up at the starry night sky, I felt at peace in that moment, our hands intertwined together her head resting on my chest, hugging her closer, a pressed a light kiss on the top of her head, she hummed quietly, making me smile.

You know I wish we could stay like this forever.

Time Stamp: 08:00pm

"if this is a dream I don't want it to end"

~♥~~♥~~♥~

A/n: da fuck did I just write, is it just me or am I crying right now 😿