The Son of a Preacher

Chapter twelve: Burning to ashes

Lucas,1985,Huntsville,Alabama

  The start of my Junior year has already brought a lot of changes. Since we're upper class men now, we have been invited to more parties. We have been to every single one of them. Especially since Micheal is a senior now, he has been throwing most of them. Making Caleb go and try to get back on his good side. We don't even get to spend much time alone anymore, since he's dating stupid Jessica. She's always there and always putting me down. It's like she senses that I'm dating her boyfriend. Bleh, just thinking that sentence makes me want to barf.

 Right now I'm waiting by Caleb's car, we're finally going to the club house after weeks. No Jessica tonight, just him and me. The thought of when he tells her he's busy makes me feel giddy. I finally spot him  talking to Micheal and Micheal s girlfriend, Jenifer. Jenifer is such a sweet heart, it makes me wonder what she even sees in him. It's basically the good girl and asshole cliche. He finally waves bye to them and makes his way over, with Jessica trailing behind him. 

" Hey, ready to go?" I ask,excited for tonight. 

He looks at me with a grimace ,as I wait for him to tell Jessica that it's a guys night. 

" I'm sorry Caleb, Jessica and I are going on a double date with Micheal and his girlfriend." He says, a guilty expression on his face.

" Oh." I say trying to hide my disappointment. 

" I can still take you home though." Caleb says, trying to charm me with that smile. It doesn't work this time, it just makes me mad.

" No, I'll walk." I mutter, turning away with clenched fists. 

I walk as fast as I can without running. I tell myself not to look back to be strong. Sadly I'm not that strong,at least not when it comes to him. I turn my head and when I do I see him watching me. For a second I think he's going to come after me, but he just shakes his head and turns toward Jessica. She leans in pecks him on the lips, and that's when I feel the anger come back in full force. I thought he told me that he wouldn't even touch her. Just another promise he broke,and another time he broke me. I don't know why I keep letting him hurt me, maybe I'm addicted to pain. 

I don't walk home, fearing my brother being there. Which would just set my anger off all over again. I walk to the club house, well more like stomp. When I get there I don't even go inside, I just go sit down by the pond. I wish my daddy was still alive ,even though I couldn't talk to him about my problems. I know he would at least worry about me and when mamma wasn't paying any attention come look for me. He always sensed when something was wrong.He wouldn't ask me what happened,he would just buy me ice cream to cheer me up.  I wished I looked more like him instead of mamma, he was this strong and burly man. Of course my piss head brother got blessed with those looks ,while I was scrawny and weak.  

I sit there until it's dark out,still no sign of Caleb. Maybe, if I go lay inside the club house he might show up? I get up stumbling in the dark, since I didn't stop at my house for a flash light,I make my way slowly up the ladder. When I finally get inside, I fumble around trying to find the lantern. Eventually, I just give up looking for the light and feel my way around for the bed instead. I just let myself fall, not really caring where I land. I try to stay awake and wait for Caleb but instead I end up falling asleep.

I dream that night of my daddy and Caleb. My daddy is alive and accepts that I like boys, and Caleb finally tells his father to shove it. We get to be out and open. Everyone accepts us and we can hold hands in public, even Caleb's father accepts us. My daddy tells me he's proud of me for being so strong. The end of the dream isn't that happy, my daddy leaves and tell's me he will always love me. No matter who I love.