The Son of a Preacher

Chapter nineteen: Can't get away

Lucas,1986,Huntsville,Alabama

It's been a few weeks since that incident with Greg. I can't get it out of my head, how he acted towards me. It hurt I won't lie, but a part of me thinks I deserve it. Even though I wanted to keep both of them in my life. I knew it was impossible, I just was too selfish to realize it. I knew his parent's had problems but I never knew it was that bad. I guess I'm too wrapped up in my own problems. I'm at home,fixing my mamma dinner. I just got off after a long day of work, I just wanted to be curled up in my bed. Instead, I'm trying to make sure my mamma eats. I hand my mamma her food and sit down next to her. Making sure she remembers that she needs to eat. 

I'm interrupted from thoughts, when I hear a knock at the door, Annoyed, wondering who could possibly be knocking on my door. Everyone stopped talking to mamma after she overdoes, even her "precious"  preacher. I know it's definitely not for me. The only person I talk too, would never meet me at my house. I open the door, to see my brother. Smelling way too much of alcohol. He stumbles in after having disappeared for weeks. Joy, at only thirteen and you're already slowly killing yourself.   

" Where have you been?" I ask angrily. 

" Just having a good time." He slurs rolling his eyes.

" Well, you made mamma worry." I say annoyed.

" Oh come on, mamma's too brain dead to know anything." He slurs,stumbling into the living room. 

" Hey baby." My mamma says, as if just now realizing he was there. 

" See, the dumb bitch doesn't even care." He slurs grabbing onto her.

" Hey don't you dare call her that!" I snap having enough of his shit for one night. 

" Why, she's the one who fucked herself up and left us alone!" He slurs angrily grabbing  her neck. 

I step forward and wrench him away from her.  He looks at me with wild look in eyes, almost like he was gleeful. Gleeful, that he almost hurt our mama. It makes me feel sick, so I look away.

" You're one to talk, have you seen your self lately!" I yell. 

" Have you seen yourself brother, dad would be so proud of you!" He exclaims sarcastically.

" What's that supposed to mean?!" I ask angrily.

" Oh come on, it's obvious, what you really are." He smirks knowingly. 

I'm silent at his words, knowing if I say anything I'll just be confirming what he says. I'm scared, but I know he's drunk and will forget about this tomorrow. He always does when we fight like this. My brother has never been a good person but I never thought he would end up like this. 

" Dad would hate you, if he was here." He says cocky. 

This makes me lose it and I turn around and punch him square in the face. I stare at my fist in disbelief after I hit him, not believing I did that. I look at his face which now has a bloody nose. I expect to be mad or hit me back. Instead he just grins at me.

" I didn't know my sissy brother had it in him." He smirks then stumbles to his room. Probably going to pass out as usual. 

Not wanting to be in this lifeless house anymore, I head out to the club house. Knowing I won't be able to sleep in that house. Not that I ever can, every time I close my eyes it's another nightmare about my dad. At least at the club house, I can pretend my daddy would love me for I am. If he was alive in the first place that is. When I get there, I'm surprised to see the light on in the club house. Caleb must be here, hopefully he's okay. Who am I kidding. If he's here, something happened. While we're friends now, we don't hang out constantly. We're slowly working on things, neither of us want to rush this. I make my up the ladder and head inside. 

 I spot him laying down, with his eyes closed. He's not asleep yet though, just thinking. This is what he always does, when he's thinking intensely about something. Like closing his eyes, helps him block out the rest of the world. Funny, it's the opposite for me. It makes me think about the rest of the world more, bringing all of my problems crashing down on top of me. I nudge his foot to get his attention and his spring open. His eyes widen in surprise when he sees me but then he breaks out in huge grin. Then as if remembering something , he frowns. 

" Is everything okay?" I ask before he can. Not really wanting to talk about my brother. 

" No, my sister came home from school today." He whispers sadly.

" That's a bad thing?" I question. His sister is amazing, she's nothing like his parents. She's always been very rebellious even though her father is abusive. A part of me wishes Caleb but another part is glad he isn't. His father would hurt him more than he does now.

" She quit school and joined a band." He laughs sadly. 

" Fuck, how did your dad take that?" I ask even though I already know the answer. 

" Not good." He grimaces clutching his side. 

" Wait, your sister fucked up but you took the blame?" I ask frowning. 

" Don't look at me like that, if it we're your brother you would do the same." He smiles sadly at me.

" I'm not sure about that, especially not right now." I mutter bitterly. 

" What happened this time?" He asks worried.

" He told me he knows what I am." I whisper.

" What, he does?" He asks wide eyed.

" That's the not worst part, I punched him." I say feeling guilty. 

" Hey, it's going to be okay, come lay down with me." He says opening his arms. I lay down putting my head on his chest, trying not to think about how perfectly it fits there. Trying to ignore the heat of his body. Trying to ignore the ever present butterflies in my stomach. 

" He also said my daddy would hate me." I whisper after a while.

" Lucas, your father was an amazing man, if anyone would accept you, it would be him." He says running his fingers through my hair. I try to ignore the feeling of his fingers, friends could cuddle right? 

" Thanks for saying that but we both know the truth." I whisper burying my face into his scent. Yep, just friends, I think bitterly. 

" I'm glad my sister is different from my parents but I'm scared she's going to get hurt." He whispers changing the subject. 

"  Your sister is pretty tough, she'll be fine." I say trying to reassure him.

" Yeah I guess you're right, I just wish she could talk me and you away from here." He whispers wrapping his arms tightly around my waist. 

" Even she could, I couldn't leave my brother and mamma." I whisper sadly.

" Why not, it's not like they've done anything for you lately." He says irritation slipping into his voice. 

" It's not about them doing anything for me, their my family I can't abandon them." I say feeling like crying. 

" Sweet little country boy, you are too pure for this world." He smiles that beautiful smile of his. 

We lay there for a few more hours before falling asleep and I can't help but think about how much I love him. How much, I wish I could fall asleep like with him like this every night. Wishing I could just run with him but knowing I can't abandon my family. Knowing his father wouldn't let him, even if I changed my mind. I just wish life wasn't so hard.