Tender (Book 1 - Complete)

Chapter 5 - Jamie

I've been trying to keep things casual, but Penny clearly doesn't know the meaning of the word. She's been avoiding me like a cat avoids a snake. Let me tell you, it's not a good feeling. I simply told her how I felt. It's not like I'm going to attack her and demand she return my feelings. I'm not a complete jerk. I can handle rejection. I just can't handle my friend ignoring me. And that's what she is first and foremost... a friend.

I find her at lunch on Tuesday and convince her to stay back and talk to me for a few minutes after school. She's reluctant at first but finally agrees. Now, as I wait for her to arrive, I try to put my thoughts together. It's like I've completely forgotten my purpose for wanting to talk to her. Is it to express my annoyance? Is it to calmly hash out how I'm feeling? Is it to tell her to just forget it all so we can move on? I just don't know anymore.

I see her the moment she rounds the corner. She's wearing a hood when she approaches, and I get the sense that she's trying to hide herself. Is she honestly that embarrassed to be seen alone with me? Or does she just not want anyone getting any crazy ideas about us?

Either way, it stings a little.

"Hey," I say, my voice flat. I can't say I'm too happy with how things have played out. She's making this a much bigger deal than it ever needed to be.

"Hi." Her voice is quiet—hesitant.

I scratch the side of my head through my beanie and then adjust the hat before glancing at Penny again. She's already watching me, expression neutral.

"This is crazy," I finally say, kicking at a stone on the ground. We've decided to meet along the west wall of the high school; it has the least activity, so we're less likely to be noticed. I lean my back against the wall and shove my hands into the center pocket of my hoodie. "I never imagined that confessing my feelings would land us in such an uncomfortable situation," I explain. "Listen, I'm not mad that you don't feel the same way. I'm just mad that you've made this so wei—"

And then she kisses me.

I have no idea what to do. My hands are still in my sweater—frozen. It takes about three seconds for my brain to actually register what is happening and then suddenly, everything clicks into place. My hands slip from their cocoon of warmth to slide around her waist, pulling her closer. She doesn't fight me and that gives me courage. I deepen the kiss, but keep the rhythm relaxed. I'm careful to kiss her with as much affection as I can muster. I want her to feel cherished, not ravished.

But apparently, that isn't the right move either because just as my brain is turning into a bowl of slushy passion, she pulls away.

"Oh crap," she mutters to herself, her voice airy and uncontrolled. "Oh, crap." Her eyes find mine—desperate, guilty, scared. "That should not have happened."

"Then why did it?" I ask, rubbing a hand down my face in mild irritation as I fight to regain my own composure.

"I don't know." There's a slight wobble in her words and I know she's feeling abnormally shaken by what's just happened.

"You don't know?" The question leaves my lips a tad sharper than I intended. I'm frustrated. "Look." I breathe out a heavy sigh, hoping to reign in my temper. "It's fine. I get it. You tested me out and found me lacking. Not a big deal. I'll get over it, okay"

"No!" she's quick to respond, her hand grabbing my bicep in her attempt to convince me of her honesty. I slide my gaze down towards her petite fingers grasping my shirt, and watch as she tentatively drops it back to her side. "That's not it," she clarifies, her eyes looking anywhere but at mine. "I just... Clarice likes you. She really likes you. And I told her I'd, you know, try and get you two together—"