Tender (Book 1 - Complete)

Chapter 14 - Jamie

To put things simply, school sucked today. I felt like a complete fool. People treated me fairly well, apart from the jerks who view themselves as royalty—even though nobody else does. I kept screwing up. I was dropping things all day, stumbling through the crowded halls, and avoiding certain topics that I knew would set me off. Overall, I despised every moment... especially her.

I can still see her eager eyes peering at me through the crowded halls just aching to be needed. I don't mind accepting help, but I refuse to be a charity case. When it comes to Lynn, that's exactly what her eyes were pleading for. She wanted to save me. She wanted to be my hero. Why? Why does she care so much? She doesn't even know me anymore. Her reaction is what I'd expect out of my friends, and even they didn't pamper me as much as I felt Lynn would have if given the chance.

I rub a hand down my face as I lay face up on my bed flexing and relaxing my stump. My mom said she'd be in in a few minutes to help me prepare for bed. It's such a process that I find myself mentally exhausted from it before it even begins.

Switching exercises, I begin lifting and lowering my left thigh, working the muscles to prevent any tightening. A moment later, my mom enters. Her expression is soft, caring, and I realize just how much I need her.

"You ready?" she asks, tilting her head towards the bathroom door.

She doesn't bathe me or anything; that'd be horrifying and awkward, but she does help me get situated. She bought a shower chair the day I was discharged from the hospital, and that is now how I shower. I remove my shirt and shorts, insistent on keeping my boxers in place. She helps me hobble my way into the bathtub and carefully places me in the chair before switching on the water. She even went so far as to have the shower head replaced with a removable one. She hands it to me before smiling and exiting the room.

Twenty minutes later, my mom helps me from the shower and waits outside my door as I struggle to dress myself. She's been good about giving me privacy. As much as she hates to watch me suffer, she understands that I need this. I have to have at least this time to myself to keep my dignity intact.

Then it's time for the massage, ointment, and wrapping my stump. Even after a month of all this, it still hasn't really sunk in. This is now my life. Everything will take longer now. I can't just jump in the shower and throw myself together if I'm running late for school. I have to wake up an hour earlier just so I can do my exercises, and make up for time wasted trying to get around the house. It's frustrating to say the least. I find myself begging for my old life back on a daily basis. It didn't take long for that dark cloud to come swooping into my life and casting shadows on even the good days.

Fortunately, I've got an appointment on Wednesday to be fitted for a temporary prosthesis. I had a couple complications in the beginning that set me back about a week, but it's finally happening. The idea of having independence again is like a fresh glass of water for my spirit. Things can only get better from here.

Once my stump is covered, I thank my mom and then settle down to begin homework. Teachers were great about keeping me up to date with all the assignments I'd missed over my month of absence, but I'm still a few days behind. A couple of my teachers told me not to worry about the assignments and to just do the reading so I'm on the same page as everyone else, while others didn't even consider the option of letting the work slide. So, here I am, slaving away over one assignment after the other.

I'm on the verge of a mental breakdown when there's a knock on my door.

"Come in," I holler, not bothering to look up from my Biology homework.

"Jamie," my mom says, her voice hesitant when she sees that I'm studying. "There's a girl here to see you." I see the slight twitch of her lips, indicating that she's holding back her excitement for me. "She's cute," she adds with a sly grin.