Tender (Book 1 - Complete)

Chapter 23 - Lynn

I've never been one to hold a grudge or blow up in a fit of rage when someone wrongs me in some way. I tend to remain calm in hopes that my assumptions can be proven wrong with something as simple as talking it out. I understand that I got under Jamie's skin the other night. I set him off and I targeted his friends—along with someone he has deep feelings for—so it's only natural that he'd retaliate. As hurtful as his words were, I've come to the conclusion that they were probably just said in the heat of the moment. The level of truth behind them was most likely minimal.

At least, that's what I'd convinced myself that night. But that was two days ago and I haven't heard a word from him since. No text, or calls. He hasn't bothered to show up at my door begging for my forgiveness in hopes of saving our friendship. Instead, things have remained silent.

To keep my mind off of my own heartache, I've decided to take on a heavier load at the Ice-Cream Parlor. I need to stop thinking about the way Jamie had looked at me as he'd told me he'd never like me. I've never felt so crushed. The fact that he didn't even see me as a possibility in the future had my chest falling into a pit of empty regret.

My life was so simple before he was in it. Now, I just feel like I'm battling his negativity in hopes that he doesn't break me. I know he needs someone to stay strong for him, to not abandon him while he's suffering the worst pain he's ever endured, but why did I decide it had to be me? Why did I take on that responsibility when he's got four other friends who are more qualified for the position?

And then I remember him sitting at his lunch table alone, his so-called friends having deserted him so they could skip out on their obligation as his friend. I remember skimming through Instagram and finding recent photos of Penny, Dillon, Drew and Clarice out on another adventure without any sign of Jamie. So, of course, I had to step in. My heart wouldn't let me watch and not do something about it. But now, I sort of regret it. I regret letting him step all over me. I regret telling him how I feel about him. I regret watching him pine over another girl and smiling as he does it.

Maybe I regret our friendship...

As guilty as the thought makes me feel, I can't help myself. So far, I haven't gotten much out of this. I've been loyal and steadfast, never forcing him into anything he's not ready for. But somewhere along the way, I became his punching bag. He's a great guy, and I doubt he'd ever intentionally hurt me, but it's the fact that I've been here and never once has he thanked me for sticking with him. Never once has he gone out of his way to make me feel valued.

I sink into the stool behind the ice cream freezer, hating myself for having such a selfish pity-party. The fact that I really like Jamie is what makes this all so much harder. If I simply wanted friendship, then I think I'd be able to be the rock he needs in his life. He'd be able to dig away at me and release all his pent-up rage and hurt and bitterness, but my feelings for him have softened me. Now the digs actually hurt, and I'm not sure how much longer I'll be able to stay composed.

The bell signaling the arrival of a customer chimes, and I stand to great a family of four. I smile as I scoop out their orders and hand back their change. With a 'thanks', the family heads to the back of the shop and I prepare to take my seat again. I'm startled back into standing when the bell rings seconds after my butt has met the cushion of the stool.

I peer over the top of the ice cream freezers only to find the very subject of all my thoughts the last few days. Jamie stands watching me, his hands stuffed into his jean pockets as his eyes fight to read my expression.

"Hi," I say, hoping to ease the tension around his mouth with a kind greeting. He doesn't take the bait though. Instead, he just shifts his weight to his good leg before taking a step forward.