Tender (Book 1 - Complete)

Chapter 17 - Jamie

I hobble into school on Thursday, spotting my group of friends hovering near my locker. A sense of relief washes over me knowing that they're waiting for me. Over the past few days, I've started to feel as though they're slipping away. Well, except for Dillon. Even though Dillon abandoned me last night for a hike in the woods, I could tell the decision tore him up. Unfortunately, he's never really been one to back out of something once he's agreed to it, and he'd already agreed to the hike before he came to see me.

It's the rest of them I worry about—Drew, Clarice, and Penny. They're the ones who can't seem to put their lives on pause for even a moment. It's like an addiction. They have to feed the need for adrenaline and the ugliness of my life doesn't matter. I'm not sure if they're just ignoring how traumatic this is for me, or if they honestly don't even realize it, but either way, it hurts.

And, gosh, dang it, I hate how pitiful I sound.

Clarice waves me over the moment she spots me. Thankfully, she hasn't started treating me like a leprosy victim like Penny and Drew have. Actually, that's a little dramatic. Nobody has been treating me poorly; they've just been treating me differently. Honestly, I'm not sure which is worse.

"Morning," I greet, sidling up next to Clarice and resting my body weight on my crutches.

"We missed you last night," she says, her voice soft with concern.

I sense that she's afraid I might blow up on her for enjoying an evening in nature without me. And, truth be told, I sort of want to. I've got this box of pent-up rage and self-pity that I just want to unleash on everyone, but instead, I paint on a smile and shake her concern away.

"It's fine," I tell her. "I was pretty exhausted anyway."

Her smile is all the response I need. From that, I can see the doubt leave her body and her normal, bubbly self take over. With just a few words, I've righted her entire world. Guilt has vanished and she can carry on with life without a single burden on her shoulders.

If only it was that easy for me.

If only someone could murmur sweet premonitions in my ear, assuring me that things will be perfectly fine. If only I had someone who would look at me with promise rather than pity. Instead, I've got four friends who try a little too hard to make me feel normal when what I really need is for someone to accept me as the new freak that I am. Normal doesn't exist for me anymore, and I wish they understood that.

We chatter about nonsense until the bell signals us to class. Not bothering with my textbooks, I begin the slow journey across school. Teachers have been lenient about my tardiness, and I've started to take full advantage. It's the only upside of my condition, so why not?

Creeping my way down the hall, my eyes snag on a certain black-haired, brown-skinned girl. I watch her stuff books into her locker, flinging her hair off her shoulder as she slips her backpack in place. Spinning on her heels, her eyes widen when they find mine on her.

"Hi," she says, her smile faltering when I don't respond.

It's not that I'm trying to be a complete jerk. Actually, I've been working on my attitude towards her. I don't make plans to treat her horribly every day, but there's just something about her that triggers the ugly side of me. I tell myself every morning that I'll do better; that I'll smile at her or greet her properly, and then that moment arrives and my chest squeezes all my good intentions right into oblivion.

"You know what?" she says, jogging slightly to catch up with my retreating form. "You should really work on that smile of yours."

There's no bitterness in her words, just simple observation. But somehow, her request irritates me.