Faking It... | ✓

F I R S T H E A R T B R E A K

Life has been hard in my life. Sitting here with my cousin, Dee. Talking to her ex who she really loved, Mike. But he was always a screw up because he cheated on her all the time.

Hearing their conversation of their memories, laughter and jokes. Actually reminded me of my primary school sweetheart Zach. It actually killed me inside to see them actually have their mutual feelings. They have a very strong connection.

Zach used to make me feel like that. Until I knew he cheated on me with Hannah, Rita, Kiki and etc. I felt hurt and we were on and off relationship situation. He had his way of making me forgive him and make up. Then break up because of his fuck boy tendancy.

I loved him sooo much. Not to realise that he was also hurt. He couldn't trust me when I was the one to feel that way. Especially when we went on a school trip in grade 7. I saw him flirt with a girl couldn't quite remember who, and we were dating that time. To see him to do that on our vacation. To do that right in front of me. Watching with my own eyes. I went six feet under.

And another time when I was testing him in the relationship if he was still playing around. I pretended to cry and covered my face with my close friend. We both laughed. To a point that everything came back to me since the beginning of the problems we had. I actually cried for real.

Out of nowhere, tears came out of my eyes. In short notice, my friends saw I wasn't faking it anymore. He saw me from a far away distance. My friends called him and saw me sobbing. I ran into the bathroom as he tried to catch up to me but already got inside. I didn't want to talk to him anymore. I didn't even want to see me. My heart decided to die. Tears rained. My clothes were almost wet. My face looked horrible.

(Bell rang)

I was scared to even go to class without the teachers questioning me about what happened. I stayed a little in the bathroom and I could see that he was still waiting for me outside. I covered my face with my jersey and walked out.

He tried to talk to me. But I didn't want him to see me. The day I realised that I was blinded by him. The fake love I got. The appreciation I had for him. I loved him for who he was. Nor for what he was going through. I didn't want to change him. I wanted him to appreciate what he had in me and accomplished what he wanted.

But I guess I was wrong I stupid enough to fall your his trap. Now he can see me that I'm broken, surely proud of what he did.The torture, the hate I had for him. But deep down, I still loved him which took over.

He stopped me right before I took a step and pulled me closer to him. "I'm Sorry."

I don't know why does break ups still surprise me even though it has happened so many times. I need peace within myself. Since then I've changed. Thinking I always need someone to stay with me.

But no. I don't. The only thing I need is myself. Then Chris, now Brian. What the hell is wrong with me.