Faking It... | ✓

C Y C L E

After 2 days, trying to ignore my mom and her bullshit 2 faced act. I haven't been feeling well since I woke up today.

It's probably the cold I guess. I haven't talking much lately which is weird but after bell rings for end of school. It is like all the things I've kept in had to come out.

"Are you okay?" Kiara asked. "Honestly, I have a little nipple pain on my left breast." She raised her eyebrow and watched me curiously. "Okayyy."

Nothing much happened at school other than the pain I carried through. I've been sleeping in a lot of my classes or distracted because I was feeling uncomfortable. Thinking it was probably my bra not sitting right.

When it was 6 p.m. I went to go take a hot shower. Hoping that the pain will go away, but it didn't.

I noticed that my left breast was bigger than the other and turned out that I have a lump. Could it be breast cancer? Maybe I'm not researching this right.

After talking to my mom about it, she called an appointment for the next day after school.

***

"Hmm... Hmmm.. Hm. So you could have an abcess but what I quite don't understand how you could have it thought." I furrowed not understanding what the hell he's saying.

"Okay, so an abcess is is a swollen area in the body that is filled with pus. Basically like your pimples." He explained.

"So the confusion I was talking about was that this only happens if stagnant milk collects in a blocked milk duct. Which only women that breastfeeds..." Then I got lost again.

"You're only 16 and you can't have it unless you were pregnant but you're still a virgin so this is a very complex situation. If you stay with it for too long, it could form breast cancer."

All of a suddenly, air was taken away from my lungs. I asked where the bathroom was and quickly disappeared.

So this was really happening to me. Having this doesn't scare me that much. What's worrying me was if I'm in the process of the operation or healing, will I make it or will my body give up on me?

My aunt who died of breast cancer has been through it. So has my brother after he turned 1 who was in the process of healing. I guess it runs in the bloodline.

"She has to go as soon as possible..." The doctor whispered, "... Before it gets any worse." My mom nodded.

Walking out of the office. I had a strong fear in me. Over thinking everything. Triggering memories.

I didn't want to cry in the car. Since my mom is not helpful due to my emotions but my dad and I shared the same.

I had to take this very carefully and one step at a time. So first, I need to do a sonar scan to see where and how big it is. Which looked like the size of my four fisted fingers.