Faking It... | ✓

C H O O S E

I told my close friends everything that has happened in past week. And it's amazing how their first reaction is "You're joking. Please tell you are."

And some that found out, well like De'arra. She thinks this is all just a show. I mean ever since we got into school, she automatically dislike me.

WHAT THE FUCK DID I DO TO YOU?
I've done nothing but be nice to her. Okay maybe, sometimes, I ignore her. Only because:

1. She's annoying because she brags and talks about people right in front of them.

2. She likes creating drama for no reason. Such as trying to shut me up when I'm not not even the one making noise in class.

"Elena?" She called both Kiara and I looked at her from talking. "I wasn't calling you Kiara, you're not Elena." she hissed. I really felt like saying shit to her but decided to bite my tongue before the cat gets out of her bag.

"Is it true?" No Petey it is. I just nodded. "For how long?" "2 weeks." "Hmmm." she said in amusement.
Sometimes I just wonder why she'd even ask if her only entertainment is gossiping and spread her disease.

Who even voted to put her as the president (prefect).

First break with my squad on the rugby field. Our only moment of bringing out our weirdness. Until Keith and Keisha dragged me almost to the middle of the field.

I could tell he was trying to lighten up my mood. Which he did. He told me the biggest news which I was extremely for. Can't tell ya but you'll know soon.

"I think this is my way of dying." Thinking out loud. "Bitch are you mad?" He hissed. "You're not going to die on us. Not now." I rolled my eyes Knowing that he won't let it go.

"I'll bring you back to life and kill you to death if I have to." He always knew how to make me laugh although it is a serious matter. "Did you at least tell Brian?" I shake my head. "Well you better tell him very soon."

"I'll tell him tomorrow." Giving him confirmation before he left. "... If I can."

I've always had a fixed mindset on how life was going to be like.
How my lifestyle was going to be,
the type of job and home I'll have.
But I never thought of the outcome and how much hard work I needed to put in.

Well maybe I know but I'm more of a creative person than a critical thinker.
As much as school has been really hard for me because of my surroundings.
At the end of the day,
I'm still a human being with a good heart whose always nice.
But that has been taken for granted.

After reading so many Wattpad books, which are teen fiction,
they always had a significance in reality.
Just a little spark.
My little escape to freedom.

I was so closely related to the main characters based on behaviours, lifestyle and situations.

It is easy to break the good in others
But problematic to try to put all the pieces of them back together.
Not knowing I was sacrificing myself for them to be happy with no return.

Habit of putting people first before myself.
I find them broken or hurt,
taking them in my arms to help them see the good on the other side.
Even if it means taking my own peace and happiness which I already lost beforeand put it in them.

I always told myself that I don't deserve them and
why they still love and care for me throughout my horrible life.
Sometimes I think its pretty stupid of me,
writing a book about myself because it sounds selfish.

I can be the most positive person around people but the saddest above all else.

That's how I feel every day.
Dying a little inside,
figuratively and physically.
Reason why I want to escape,
run away,
be alone.

Knowing there's no cure to fix myself.
Reason why don't believe in anything any more.
Giving myself a lot.
now I'm too tired and shattered.