It's been a week since I've gotten no calls or text from him which I guess it's a good thing. I really didn't want to be bothered today but a part of me wanted to check up on him. No. Not wanted, I needed.
I looked for all over social media. Ignored my DMs on Instagram and blue ticked me on Whatsapp.
I dial his number... "The number you have is unavailable. Please try again later."
Lying in bed in my pjs at 2:17 p.m., reading Wattpad books. He still not even answered any of my calls. I just feel like I'm not good enough for him and I'm not worth...
(Knock Knock)
... it.
I go downstairs to see who was at the door and I find... flowers? From who? "Delivery for Ms. E Mai?" I raised an eyebrow, "yes." The man hands me 2 bouquet of flowers. "Umm... aren't I supposed to pay you?" He looks at me. "No ma'am. It's already been paid for." huh? "By who?" I asked. "Mr. Jordan." He drives away.
Talking to myself like an idiot. "Who the hell is Mr. Jor-" Light bulb. "Chris!"
(Ring, Ring) Private Number
"Hello?" I whispered. The guy on the phone chuckled. "Why you whispering Elenakie?" He whispers back. My hand on my face, "Why did you buy me flowers?" There was silence for a minute and he sighed.
"Is it not your birthday?" I raised my eyebrow. "Chris?" I dragged. "What's so wrong about buying my only favorite girl lunch?" Wait what? Not this again. "When you say your only favorite girl, you mean De'arra?" Sounded like a statement than a question. "Nope." He emphasizes the p.
"Ayt well I gotta go rest. I'm tired right now." That time of the month. "Cool. I love you." He says enthusiastically. "ily, bye." I hope he knows I meant it as friends.
(Today)
Elena💜♎:
I'm sorry to put this on you but I gotta say something.
I've been thinking and analysing this whole relationship thing going on and I feel like it's not working out the way it should go. don't know if whether i expected sooo much or what me and you hardly talk. I feel like i'm not a priority in your life or at least try to check up on me. I never know what you get up yo whats happening if you going out you go completely off mute! Quite ! I've tried my best. Idont see any effort coming from your side i texted you but you were no where to be found hence you don't wanna talk of something. like I get that you studying tho but at least a few minutes of talking wouldn't hurt. yes I get the whole I love you part but Love is not enough it comes with consistency, support and all that. I mean if we cant do the little things for each other now what's the future?? I've been letting everything slide saying it's okay even went through our old chats where we had arguments about the miscommunication and the oh we not gonna talk for weeks etc. but we say we love each other. I feel like you actually don't need me and holding you down cause I'm emotionally tired but then i thought maybe I was rushing everything and taking decisions fast and overthinking but look where we are now.
I tired honestly I love you AND YOU FUCKING KNOW THAT!!! but I still go and question it all the time because i doubt it at times.
My problem is I think and feel you are on the wrong you feel like I am on the wrong too....but i hope one day when you sit down and really think about everything you'll see what I was trying to say you'll understand that I'm not a man and my emotions are all over nd I feel even the smallest things deeply the...you've seen me loving you, you've seen me try means to see you, you've seen me hold you, kiss you and you've seen me calling you and all and nowadays i stopped not cause i stopped loving you. I stopped cause I wanted to see if I stopped how I'll things turn out and know if you would do the same. I try to open my heart to you. I try to not flip out cause I'm hella clingy. you barely not here like how it was. and I understand everything that's happening in your life but I feel like you shutting me out. you want me to talking about what happened or why I'm sad or what pissed me off but you never saying anything about you. how am I supposed to make you feel happy and cheered up if all we do is be quiet. I hate being quiet but if it hurts I'd call you. I'd tell you how I feel but no I choose to cry about it and get over it. I don't even know if you still down.
Brian💫❄💛:
I love you and I'll always love you but if you think its not true it's fine I understand, I've just be going thru a lot of things and its tough for me cause it's the first I'm going thru dis
Elena💜♎:
I understand too but why do I feel like you cutting me off
Elena💜♎:
like I get hella worried about you
Brian💫❄💛:
Its because I'm busy wit work
Elena💜♎:
I mean when you sad
Brian💫❄💛:
I would never cut you out cause you were there for me when I was at my lowest and you showed me unconditional love for me till dis day but it's ok dat you wanna leave cause I learnt love is possible to have from anyone and I i can't give you the love you need,so I understand completely
I'm in bed staring at the wall. Now all of a sudden I'm crying heavily like I was painfully dying. "WHAT THE FUCK",hitting my bed. I tried to scream softly do my parents don't ask me what happened. But I couldn't.
I called Chris, praying he would pick up the phone. "Chrriiiss!" "Elena, what's wrong? What happened?" I held my breath to help me stop crying but didn't seem to work. I hesitated, "I think...Brian...just...broke up... with me." I cried even louder and heavier.
"Alright. Elena, please, I beg of you to calm down. Tell me what happened."
my throat was clogging. I couldn't breathe properly. "I ca-" Tears turned into a waterfall. Throat burning. Chest aching. Eyes puffy.
I didn't know what to do. "Okay, I need you to go sleep, get some rest and block him off." I nodded as he understood. "I'll deal with him later." His voices thickens. "No, please." I begged.
YOU ARE READING
Faking It... | ✓
Non-FictionElena Mai Watson was never the target of being used or bullied. She used to be herself until her kindness was taken for granted. Life in high school is never fair. There'll always be people we have to face in order to move on. There'll be obstacles...
