The Orphan Girl

Im outside, not in the orphanage that towers behind me but outside for once.

Im free, just like everyone else.

The pain and the misery is behind me. Its time to start a new life.

There's no going back now, not that id want to go back. I love the outdoors and id live there if I had a choice. So much for 'free country'.

The birds sing my favourite song and the trees dance in time with the wind.

The long grass tickles my bare feet and the flowers give the air the best smell in the world.

My dress waves along with the trees in the wind.

It's my favourite colour - blue.

People turn their heads to look at me. They smile kindly. They don't hate me like the other people back in the orphanage.

I'm with a couple of other people but I don't know who they are. They feel like the sisters I never had but always wanted.

We laugh at silly things. I've never heard anyone laugh with me instead of at me. It makes me feel happy. I've never felt this happy.

I'm standing in the middle of the street, walking away from my prison. I wish I could leave there for real as well as in my dreams.

Why does life have to be so hard?

Why can't I have a good life like the people in my dreams?

My dreams are so much different from real life so it's hard to imagine all of this.

I'm not asking for much.

Just a bed and food. A family that cares about me and friends.

That's all I want.

So I dream about having it.

---------------------------------------------

I wake up, into reality.

Ugh.

I never liked this place, the Orphanage. It's always made me wonder about god and whether he really loves us. Why would he let us suffer?

My room is on the top floor of the orphanage. It looks like the towers from fairy tales, only ugly and dangerous. You never see characters in the movies fall out of the windows or try to save themselves if they ever fell out. I've had to save myself a couple of times when people have wanted to push me out.

I'm not allowed to use the elevator so I climb about ten sets of stairs a day. Give or take a few.

My rooms metal.

I don't know why.

I don't have a real bed, just a hammock-type thing.

I don't know why.

My rooms pretty empty and I have to hide things from everyone so they don't steal them or throw them in the fire. They did that on the first day that I came here.

I don't know why.

The other orphans that live here with me have normal, exciting and painless lives while I'm stuck here thinking about what I've done to deserve all this.

They have proper beds and windows and heating.

I have a hammock and a whole in the wall and a block of wood in the corner of the room that I'm supposed to light without setting the world on fire. Sounds legit.

I have to do everything myself.

All the normal kids get things from their parents but not me. I buy my own food and buy all the usual things.

I get money very rarely, not that I get much. I'd say about 10p every week. The last time I checked, that wasn't enough to buy any sort of food in this country.

My so-called-father is rude, nasty and ugly on the inside and outside. He loves all of the other orphans but he'd prefer to sell me for a pack of beer. Not. Even. Joking.

I'm pretty sure that's not legal.

He's never told anyone that I exist. The people that come to this orphanage asking to see all the kids don't know I'm one of the orphans because my 'carer' lock me in my room just before they arrive. I have no chance of leaving.

Everything that comes out of is mouth is either nasty or so rude that it makes the other orphans, that care, look at me with sympathetic expressions on their faces.

"Get a life you degenerate, you're not even worth a pack of fucking smokes."

"Clean some shit you half-whittled fuck faced encyclopaedia"

"You're never gonna get anywhere, you're never going to be happy, you're never going to escape this place, escape me, escape your feelings. "

"Why do you exist, just die, everything would be better if you just fucking left"

"Why do you think you're worth anything? You're not. You're worth nothing more than the greasy shit on the bottom of my shoe"

"You're a burden to the world. You're the reason everything is shit, you're the reason why your parents are dead. It was you, and no one else."

"DIE, YOU USELESS BITCH, DIE"

He usual swears as well but it's not the tiny, non-important swear words, it's the massive, important words.

The ones that actually hurt.

The other orphans have learned a lot from him  - cruelty and they are all untrustworthy.

Jacks the worst out of them all and the other orphans just follow his every move, like slaves. They're too scared to say anything to him about how they really feel about the things he's doing. Too bad they don't know I carry a knife in the pocket of my leggings. But who really cares about that.

There is one orphan who is different to all of the others though.

Her name is Sammy. She's one of those girls that would act like they hated you in front of other people to seem cool but when they are with you, they're nice and a completely different person. It hard but I've learned to deal with it.

I usually go out to the gym just to get away from this place. Its not very exciting but I'd do anything if it meant that I could leave all of this behind.

Sammy comes out to the gym with me sometimes, not that 'the beast' likes it. Sammy's one of his favourites an to be honest I really don't know why because we've done some crazy things in the past. But yet again, I get blamed for it, even if I wasn't even there. What a world.

My parents died on the same day at the same time, together, and I was there.

I had to watch the blood seep through their wounds.

I had to watch them breath heavily before taking their last breath before entering what ever comes after this life.

I had to watch as their eyes turned glassy.

I have to live in the same place as their killer.

That man is called Peter.

He is my carer.