The Bad Boy Is A Virgin

Chapter 58: Amazing?

"Sky?" I called as I entered her new apartment. She had given me her spare spare key as she had so dramatically described it as "a way to remember her" and incase I ever just needed to leave the huddle and bustle of New York behind and just come visit her.

"Em?" Her head popped from behind a wall and as soon as she saw me she grinned.

Without a moment of hesitation, she was lifting me of the ground in a tight hug much like when we were children.

"You've still got that muscle I see?" I teased her when she finally put me down.

"And you're early." I frowned and her face immediately changed to one of panic, "Not that's that's a problem! I just wasn't expecting you so soon. Is something wrong?"

I took a deep breath and that's all Skylar needed to hear to know that something was bothering me. So when she raised her eyes expectantly and dragged me to sit on her couch, I knew I had to tell her now.

"It's just that Hunt and I..." I sighed and Skylar used the opportunity to interrupt me.

"Em, I know you guys decided it would be better to end things now than to try long distance. But for goodness sake, poor Hunter is completely smitten with you and you clearly love him very much even if you haven't said it out loud, it's obvious. If anyone could work through a long distance relationship, it would be you and Hunter. Sure, you wouldn't be able to see each other as often and communication would be difficult but still vital. And then there's the whole physical aspect..." her words disinterested and I knew she knew. "Shit, Em. You slept with him?"

My cheeks immediately flushed bright red as I remembered last night. Of course we had been awkward and clumsy but that made it all the more endearing. And there was the fact that Hunter had a box of condoms in his drawer that he had felt completely embarrassed about, but I could only laugh which seemed to make him relax. It was so strange to see Hunter so unsure and vulnerable when he was always the confident one, but it made me realize how much he trusted me to let me see that side of him and I loved him even more for it.

"Do you regret it or something?" Skylar's words made me snap my eyes open and I shook my head frantically.

"No! Of course not."

She was silent as she took everything in and then whispered, "It just makes leaving him so much harder..."

I nodded and tried to force the tears that I could feel were trying to surface. "I know we could make long distance work because I love him so much that I would take that risk but I can't do that to him, Sky. It's not fair on Hunter."

"What's not fair?" She looked puzzled.

"The reason I'm leaving to New York is because after Jaimie, I blamed myself. I still do, a little bit. And Hunter needs someone who is not bordering on hopelessness and who can love him - " I felt myself choke up and I couldn't help the few tears that slide down my face.

"Oh, Em." Sky crawled closer to me and hugged me tight, "You've never told me this."

"Remember when Ivy told me it was my choice if I wanted to stay broken or if I wanted to heal?" Sky nodded, "And I told her I want to heal. Because I do, Sky. Not just for myself but for Hunt too. And I don't think I can love as much as he deserves to be loved, if I'm not loving myself completely first. Gosh, it sounds so much more selfish out loud."

"What? No, Em!" She pulled me back to look at me. "I never understood why you were leaving and you knew I was a bit angry when you told me you didn't want to try make it work with Hunter but I understand now. It wouldn't be right not to let him go when you're still hurting so deeply. You need that time to heal by yourself and if that time is going to be spent in New York, then that time is going to be spent in New York. But you're not selfish, Em. Weren't you listening to yourself? You said you were leaving Hunter behind because you didn't want him to not to be loved as much as he should be. That's not selfish. I think that's pretty selfless actually. And I know that that's also love."