dichotomy ; gawsten

eight

so...this chapter's a lot

slight tw for self harm, substance abuse, and suicide at the end

"Geoff? Are you even listening?"

"Huh?" He blinks and then shakes his head. "Sorry, what?"

"I'm blind, not stupid." The words sound exaggeratedly irritated, but Awsten is smiling. "I thought we talked about this. I can tell when someone's not listenin' to me, y'know."

"Sorry," Geoff says again. "I just...sorry."

"S'okay." Awsten's voice softens. "Are you okay? You've been quiet all day."

Awsten had the day off, so he called this morning and invited him out to have lunch. He came up with the idea of a picnic but Otto got called into work and Awsten couldn't do it the last time I tried to make anything I set the fuckin' apartment on fire so I'm not allowed near a stove anymore, so they settled for burritos and hanging around the park afterward.

They've been walking around for almost an hour and Geoff hasn't been able to take his eyes off Awsten.

He's wearing a pastel pink skirt and a baggy white sweater that's much too big for him with a flower crown in his hair that matches the skirt. His eyes are bright and his cheeks are pink and he's talking in that lively, animated voice he always is, rambling and sometimes even stumbling over his words because he has so much to say and he's trying to get it all out at once.

"Yeah," Geoff mumbles, realizing Awsten's staring at him, anticipating an answer. "Sorry, I know I'm shitty company. I can take you home if you want."

"Geoff?"

"Yeah?"

"Shut the fuck up," Awsten says. His voice is firm. He pauses for a second. "Um, shit, this would be a lot less awkward if I could see, but...you're gonna lead me to the nearest bench and we're gonna sit down and you're gonna talk to me, okay?"

"Awsten, I don't-"

"I didn't ask what you thought about it," Awsten interrupts. "Let's go."

Geoff bites his lip and watches as Awsten switches his cane to his left hand. "How do I...I don't know how to-"

"Doesn't it get exhausting?" Awsten asks. "Worrying about everything all the time? It's gonna be fine, dude. Here, give me your elbow." Geoff obliges, holding his arm out, and Awsten grips the bottom, the really bony part on either side. "See? I'm still alive. You're fine, Geoff. Just don't drag me like a fuckin' ragdoll."

When they're finally sitting together (and Geoff is less worried that he'll have a direct hand in Awsten tripping or falling or being victim to one of the universe's horrible tricks), he tilts his head back and lets it dangle over the edge of the bench, keeping his eyes closed. The blood rushes to his head and he feels it, he feels the dizziness.

"I'm surprised you haven't asked yet."

Geoff sits back up, wincing and holding a hand to his temple. "Asked what?"

Awsten chuckles. "Don't play dumb, Geoff. You know what you wanna ask. It's what everyone wants ta ask but doesn't 'cause they're afraid it'll be weird or offensive or some bullshit like that."

"I, um, n-no, that's not-"

"Has anyone ever told you you're the worst liar in the world?" Awsten lets out a loud giggle. "Seriously. It's fine. I've been waitin' for you ta ask. I know you want to."

"If you wanna tell me, you can tell me," Geoff says delicately. "But you don't havta say anything if you're not comfortable."

"I literally just told you I was. But I'm not gonna say it until you ask."