dichotomy ; gawsten

seventeen

Sometimes Geoff forgets Awsten is blind.

He's spent the last week practically living at his and Otto's apartment – he's honestly lost track of the amount of times he's stayed over and Chloe is so fucking mad at him and Jawn keeps calling and their management is absolutely blowing up his inbox and he's been ignoring all of it – and the more time he spends there, the more apparent it becomes to him.

Awsten can't see but you would never know it here.

He moves around with such confidence, requiring neither his cane nor Otto's assistance. He knows where everything is and has memorized how many steps it'll take to get to the kitchen cabinet or from the bathroom to his bedroom. The smile Geoff's grown to love, the content, relaxed, fond smile, never disappears from Awsten's face when he's at home.

"Geoff? Geoff!"

He blinks and shakes his head. "Huh?"

"Your phone," Otto says. "Can you answer whoever the fuck that is so they'll stop calling?"

His heart is beating faster. His hands are shaking as he fumbles in his pocket and pulls his phone out. Jawn's picture is encompassing the whole screen. He bites his lip. It's a shot he had their tour photographer send him right before the last show. Jawn's got his guitar hanging from his body and both arms in the air, staring at the crowd with this look of adoration and surprise mixed together. It was taken right after their last song, just before they throw picks and drumsticks out into the audience. Geoff remembers looking at the pictures that night and not being able to take his eyes off this one.

He swallows and hits 'decline', squeezes his eyes shut and slips his phone back into his pocket, presses harder on his lip and tries to keep tears back. Stupid fucking baby. Stop crying. Jawn's your best friend. You're acting like a little bitch baby you're so fucking pathetic no wonder he's done with you no wonder he hates you no-

"Geoff."

He feels the grip on his shoulders, the hand on his chin. "W-What?"

"Breathe." Awsten smiles at him. "It's okay. You're okay. Just take some deep breaths, alright? Everything's okay."

He swallows hard. He doesn't know what he did to deserve this beautiful boy, doesn't know why the universe decided to take pity on him and bless him with someone so understanding and calming and warm. Awsten is radiance and warmth and sunshine it feels warm he can breathe again he's not drowning and choking on mouthfuls of water he's clinging onto a life preserver and swimming to shore he's warm he can breathe he's warm.

"Was that Jawn?" Awsten asks, after his breathing is back to normal. He plops down next to him and throws his arm around Geoff's shoulders. Geoff shivers. It's happened so many times in the past week but he hasn't got used to it. Awsten's touch is fire, pink and sparkly and shiny and warm. It feels like something is exploding inside of him, like there's too much warm his heart can't take it it's going to burst.

"Y-Yeah."

"You still haven't talked ta him?" Otto sets a bowl of popcorn on the coffee table and plops down in the armchair on the right. "Damn."

"I don't...I don't know what to say," Geoff confesses. He presses harder into his lip. He's on the verge of copper, on the verge of needing an involuntary lip piercing because he'll look fucking stupid with no jewelry in the hole he's bitten in his lip.

"When was the last you-"

"Not since Awsten-"

"Not since I chewed him out," Awsten supplies. He squeezes Geoff's shoulders. "You needa talk to him, Geoff. He's been texting me and he thinks you hate him. He's sorry. He wants to apologize. Let him."