dichotomy ; gawsten

thirty three

hi this is cute and (surprisingly) not triggering lmao

He wakes up alone.

And he winces, as he pushes up into a sitting position and rubs at the sleep in his eyes. He reaches across to the nightstand for his phone.

Awsten's cane is gone.

He freezes.

His hands are shaking as he presses the home button on his phone. His heart is racing.

Just about an hour has passed.

He's alone.

Did it really happen was it all a dream did he hallucinate all of it are he and Awsten really dating did he really kiss him was it a dream it feels like a dream is it real is anything real-

He almost falls as he slides out of the bed, trips over his own feet in his haste to get out of the room. He doesn't know where Awsten is. He doesn't know what's going on. It all feels like a dream, one of those cloud-like ones that begins to float away as soon as you wake up. It's silvery, laden with glitter and dripping with stars, light and airy, a delicate breeze wrapping around him and coating everything with a spray of fairy dust.

It doesn't feel real.

And then he remembers how Awsten squeezed his hand and leaned down to kiss his cheek and promised that everything was okay, remembers how he put his head on Awsten's shoulder and turned his face into Awsten's neck and breathed in, felt the flecks of sunshine travel in through his nose and throughout his body, smiled and breathed and eventually drifted into a place of sparkles and fairy dust and the sound of Awsten's laughter, the best soundtrack he's even known.

He walks out into the living room and stops again.

Awsten is curled up in Otto's lap on the couch. His face is mostly hidden in his neck – there's only a half of his cheek showing, and Geoff can see the reddened skin and dampness – and Otto's lips are moving rapidly as he rubs his back.

His heart is still racing.

What if he made a mistake what if he's regretting it what if Otto is telling him how to break up with you what if he said all those things to get you to stop crying what if you never meant anything to him what if he doesn't want to be with you what if he doesn't want to be with you what if he doesn't want to be with you.

What if he doesn't want to be with you.

"A-Aws?" He tests, sidestepping the coffee table and moving right in front of the couch. He meets Otto's eyes and receives a nod from him. He doesn't know what that means. Is he saying they're good or are they need why is Awsten crying he can hear him whimpering and sniffling what is going on why is he crying what's happening.

He drops to his knees in front of the couch and touches Awsten's arm. "What's wrong?"

"It's okay," Otto says from behind. "He just got a little overwhelmed and panicked a bit, but he's okay now."

"Aws?" He prompts. He moves his hand further, onto Awsten's back, and wiggles his fingers between Awsten and Otto's bodies. He pulls and Otto leans back. Awsten goes into his arms easily and he hugs him tight, slipping an arm under his ass as he moves to the other couch. "You okay? You can talk to me, y'know. I know 've been a mess lately, but...m'here for you too, okay? S'not just me."

"I know." Awsten's voice sounds wrecked. Geoff bites his lip. He rubs Awsten's back, presses his hand against Awsten's skin and kisses the top of his head. "S'just. Stuff happened. Before I met you. M'fucked up too."

"Don't say that," Geoff says firmly. It feels like a piece of his heart has broken off, hanging from the rest of the muscle by a thin thread. It's dangling dangerously and the thread is about to snap. Awsten holds a large part of his heart and a piece of that just chipped off, wavering precariously, about to fall into the abyss at the bottom of his chest cavity. "You mean so much to me. You don't- you don't even know how much, okay?" He pauses. The explanation he gave Awsten, the description of warmth...it's not even half of what he actually feels. Putting into words everything Awsten makes him feel is impossible. He doesn't even know where to start. "Whatever happened, it's okay. We'll get through it. You're not alone, I promise."