dichotomy ; gawsten

twelve

so...this is an interesting chapter lmao

Someone's pounding on their door.

He blinks rapidly, pressing a button on his phone and flopping back in bed. The robot-voice says 3:52 am and he groans.

"Otto!" He calls. "Door!"

He waits for an answer, rolling onto his side and burying his face in the pillow. The pounding gets louder, a series of rapid-fire knocks on wood. They're all he can hear. There's no chance of him ever getting back to sleep.

"Fucking hell." He untangles himself from his covers and slides out of bed. He grabs his phone and slips it into his pocket before he leaves the room.

"Aws?"

"Didn't you hear me calling for you?" He asks. "Who the fuck is that?"

"I have no idea." Otto's voice is low, laced with sleep. He yawns loudly. "I'll go see what they want, go back to bed."

"Nah, I wanna know who the fuck thinks it's okay to wake the entire building up at fuckin' 4 in the morning," he says. He takes a step back to lean against the wall and crosses his arms over his chest.

He hears Otto's footsteps and the slapping of his slippers on hardwood. The lock is unlatched and the door creaks open.

"What the- Geoff?" Awsten freezes. It feels like someone just injected ice into his veins. His heart is racing. He takes a step forward. "Shit, fuck, come in."

"Aws, don't move." Otto's voice is frantic. Wide eyes. Shaking. Grabbing at his hair because he doesn't know what else to do. "He's drunk."

His heart is beating faster. His hands are shaking. "I, um, what?"

"Geoff," Otto says. "Do you know where you are?"

He pushes off the wall and walks in the direction of Otto's voice. He doesn't know where Geoff is in relation to the room. His balance is completely thrown off. He can't walk anywhere without the fear of accidentally running into him. It's hard enough when they have guests because he can't see what they add to the room, even worse when one is as inebriated as Geoff sounds to be, too incoherent to process anything.

"Awsten." There's a warning tone in Otto's voice now. "Stay where you are. I mean it. He doesn't know what's happening."

"Yes I do!" Geoff slurs. He sounds indignant. His voice sounds farther than Otto's but fairly close to where Awsten is standing. "Where's Awwwwwws?"

He draws out Awsten's name and giggles at the end. "I need...I needa talk to...him..."

"I'm here," Awsten says. He drops his voice down to a whisper. Geoff probably won't be able to understand him but he's not going to take the chance. "Where is he?"

"Right in front of you," Otto whispers back. "A couple feet to the right. He's leaning against the couch."

"How'd you get here?" Awsten asks. "Did you drive?" His stomach is already starting to sink at the thought. He hasn't had much experience with drunk people but Geoff is laughing and slurring and, from the sound of his footsteps, stumbling all over the place. He's never had a sip of alcohol in his life and Otto doesn't drink either. This is unchartered territory. Geoff wants to talk to him and he doesn't know about what or why or anything.

"Nahhhh." Geoff's words are beginning to blur together. "Called a...a ca- what's the word?"

"A cab?"

"Yeah! That."

"How'd you get our address?"

"Jawwwwwn," Geoff practically sings. "He said Awsie was nice. Awsie would listen. Love Awsie."

Awsten feels heat in his cheeks. He crosses one leg over the other and shifts so he's propping himself up on the kitchen counter by his elbows. "Hey, um, I think we'll be okay. You can go back to bed."

"Yell if you need anything." Awsten hears a cabinet open and shut and then running water, followed by Otto's footsteps. "Geoff. What's going on? Why'd you come here?"

Geoff seems to deflate. "I fucked up Awsie. I fucked up bad." He sounds like he's about to start crying. Awsten winces and pushes himself off the wall. He takes a couple tentative steps forward. He doesn't know if Geoff's moved since Otto told him where he was standing. He knows how far he is from the couch, aside from the potentially large man who could be standing next to or in front of it.

"C'mon, you wanna sit on the couch with me?" Awsten asks. "Everything's gonna be okay, I promise."

Is he supposed to keep going? Give Geoff words of encouragement? Make him feel okay? Is he supposed to shove pills down his throat? Sober him up? He's never done this before he doesn't know what to do he doesn't know how to handle it he doesn't want to do something wrong this is Geoff's life at stake.

It takes a few minutes (and a lot of pained grunts), before they're finally sitting on the couch. Geoff has his head in Awsten's lap and Awsten is running a hand through Geoff's hair, sticky with sweat. He stinks. Alcohol is emanating from his pores and forming a thick cloud around them. It smells disgusting and it's making him slightly nauseous but he ignores it. "Hey. You wanna tell me what's goin' on with you? I wanna help you, Geoff. I care about you. A lot."

"Dunno why," comes Geoff's answer.

"Why wouldn't I care about you?" Awsten asks incredulously. The past few weeks have been refreshing. Geoff is a new, welcome presence in his life. He's different than Otto and better than Jawn. He's caused him a lot of anxiety but a lot of laughs in the same breath.

"I drink too much and get sad a lot and s'not fair. I mean, who wants ta be friends with the attention whore that has everything but can't be happy?"

"Geoff..." Awsten tangles his fingers through Geoff's hair with a sigh. "You're not an attention whore. People fuckin' suck. You're allowed to be sad. Saying you can't be 'cause you're famous is bullshit."

"Sometimes I wanna die," Geoff admits. "And not like, sometimes, like, all the time. And I know m'supposed ta be glad I lived 'cause yknow why wouldn't you be? But sometimes I'm not and I wish it worked and I can't talk about it no one wants ta hear about it no one wants ta hear my shit no one wants me no one no one no one!" He raises his voice by the end. His head leaves Awsten's lap as he sits up. "I don't want this anymore..."

"Don't want what?" Awsten forces out. His heart is beating so fast. The world is moving around him. There's a lump in his throat. He forces himself to swallow. 

"I dunno."

"Whatever you're feeling is okay." Awsten tries to get his voice to stop shaking. "All of it. You're okay. You're allowed to be sad, you're allowed to wish it worked, you're allowed to feel everything."

"You're so nice to me..." Geoff slurs. "So fuckin' pretty...with your skirts and flower crowns and nail polish...such a pretty baby..."

Awsten swallows. He's drunk, he reminds himself. He has a girlfriend and he's drunk. He doesn't know what he's saying. He won't remember any of this tomorrow morning. He doesn't mean it. "You're pretty too, Geoff."

"Really?" Geoff sounds so innocent. Awsten still doesn't know what his face looks like, but he can imagine a pout and big, wide eyes.

"Really," Awsten repeats.

"M'sorry, Awsie..." Geoff's voice breaks and he starts crying, little whimpers escaping. Awsten stares at him.

He went from talking about how pretty he was to crying? Drunk people are weird. If this is what it's really like he's glad he doesn't drink. "It's okay, Geoff. Everything's okay. You don't havta be sorry."

"Everything's such a mess..." Geoff sobs. "And it's all my fault..."

Awsten bites his lip and runs his hand through Geoff's hair again. Slowly, he leans down and presses his lips against Geoff's temple. 

"It's gonna be okay," he says again. "You're gonna be okay, Geoff. I promise."