dichotomy ; gawsten

eleven

i dunno if i like this chapter tbh it didn't come out the way i was expecting it to

slight trigger warning for panic attacks at the end

"So he was pissed! And I'm like, 'I'm sorry, but your kid's gonna learn as quick as she does. I can't drill it into her skull or something'. And he fuckin' flipped shit."

Awsten hears the ding of the bell as he steps through the door Otto's holding open for him. "And I just..."

"You okay?" Otto asks. His arm comes up to wind around Awsten's waist. Their relationship has dissolved into that, soft touches for subtle comfort. Otto held him and let him cry for weeks after the accident. He didn't move, didn't complain, just held Awsten tightly and let him break down. They've been close ever since. Otto is the only person he's ever felt this comfortable around.

Awsten bites his lip and nods. "Yeah... It just sucks, yknow? Makes you feel not good enough. No one should havta go through that..."

"He's gone," Otto says firmly, squeezing his waist. "He's never going to contact you again. And you are so much more than "just enough", Aws. He thought you'd never be able to live like this, but look at you. You're thriving. Provin' him wrong by the day."

"Do you have these rehearsed or something?" Awsten laughs, letting his head flop down onto Otto's shoulder. "Really though. M'okay. The world just sucks sometimes."

"You're allowed to be sad, y'know."

"I'm not sad," Awsten replies. "Just frustrated, I guess. Do you have plans with Grace tonight?"

"Stop tryna change the subject."

"Otto," Awsten deadpans. "I'm fine, okay? You don't needa cancel anything ta stay home with me. I'm fine." Otto does this a lot. He's overprotective and paranoid and it's usually something Awsten can just overlook because he knows he cares but today hasn't been a good day. It feels like every little annoyance is building, adding to the ball of frustration forming in his chest. Everything feels red. He wants to scream.

"We were supposed ta go out to dinner," Otto says. There's uncertainty in his voice. Hesitation. Awsten rolls his eyes and squirms out of his grip. He slides his cane out of his shirtsleeve and unfolds it, then loops the band around his wrist.

"My last session ended at 5:30." He reaches up to put a hand on Otto's shoulder. "You're gonna be late. Go."

"It's really fine Aws, I can cancel..."

"Get the fuck outta here before I beat you with this fuckin' cane."

"At least lemme walk you up to the apartment, jesus christ."

"Not like I haven't done that a couple thousand times or anything, no, I need your help."

"I'm staying," Otto says immediately. "You're not okay."

"I'm fine," Awsten grounds out through gritted teeth. "Stop treating me like I'm made of glass."

"Hey! Geoff? Over here!"

His heart starts to speed up. He clenches his hand on Otto's shoulder, tightens his grip as much as he can. "Otto..."

"He's walking toward us," Otto says. He pries Awsten's hand off his shoulder and grips it tightly. "There's a girl with him. I think it's his girlfriend. She's in some of the pictures online, I- hey guys!"

"Hey..." Geoff's voice is different. It has the shakiness it usually does, but he's recognizing the same uncertainty and hesitation Otto just spoke with. "What's up?"