trigger warnings for anxiety and panic attacks. maybe blood too. no self-harm or anything, but i used it as a descriptor a little more in this chapter.
"S'good to see you again, kiddo."
He swallows, turns until his head meets Geoff's shoulder, and forces himself to swallow against the lump in his throat. His heart is racing. It's that edge of a cliff feeling, teetering precariously over his death and feeling the nausea in his veins and trying to breathe through the flames smoldering his chest.
He wants to tear his skin off. It stings, like someone ripped off all the layers and he's lying out in the open, completely exposed. He feels naked. His problems are on a billboard and everything else is ignored.
"It's okay." Geoff's lips move fluidly against his ear. He lets himself slump over, collapses against Geoff's side and presses cheek to shoulder.
It's a lot.
It's been a lot.
He's been ripped open and the world is watching. Vultures are swooping down and picking at his bones, sorting through his broken body and taking pieces. Taking pieces. He's ripping himself open and the world is taking pieces and everything feels so heavy all the time he doesn't know how he's done it for so long how hasn't this happened before how good was he at ignoring everything why did he do this why is he like this-
He's torn open a wound that keeps bleeding. It's torn and everything is jagged and messy and falling apart he can't put it back together he can't stitch it back up the blood is coming it's all coming all the time it won't stop he can't stop it it won't stop-
"Breathe, sunshine."
He forces in the breath and holds it, lets it wash over the flames licking up his throat and pour water on everything. It works, a little. It doesn't feel like they're scorching his chest as hot. He can tell the fire is starting to die. It needs to die. The world is burning to a crisp and it needs to stop.
"You okay?" Geoff asks. "We can come back if you're not up to this..."
He says the words differently. They're softer. Something's missing. It's like someone scooped out a chunk of his voice and now he's trying to use the little he has left to measure up to the full sound. It sounds hesitant.
He swallows.
Geoff needs this.
Geoff needs him to be okay for this.
Geoff needs him to be okay.
"Aws?" Geoff says again. "If you're not ready, we don't havta stay..."
You like Lucas. Lucas is good. You're okay. Lucas is good. You're okay. Lucas is good.
Lucas is good Lucas is good Lucas is good.
Lucas is good.
"N-no," he forces out. "M'okay. We can stay. It's- I just- I'm sorry..."
"Don't be." That's Lucas' voice. "You've been through a lot in the past couple weeks, kid. No one blames you for a second." He takes another breath when Lucas stops, clutches Geoff's arm tighter and clenches the fabric of his shirt in his fist.
Geoff told Lucas. He said he could. It was a miracle he was able to recount the story once, tell Geoff everything that happened without bursting into sobs or going into a full on panic attack, let alone have to do it again. The bugs still haven't left. His dreams are darker. He's going blind all over again. The darkness is looming and it's coming and there's nothing he can do about it.
YOU ARE READING
dichotomy ; gawsten
Fanfiction"He had everything, but felt nothing. He had nothing, but felt everything." geoff is in a famous band. awsten is from a small town in the middle of nowhere. they couldn't be more different. maybe that's for the best.
