dichotomy ; gawsten

twenty three

i really like this chapter. i've had the idea for a while now and it came out almost exactly how i was expecting.

nothing too triggering, but anxiety and panic attacks (nothing nearly as graphic as last chapter, geoff has no pov here) and mentions of blood

"331, 333, shit, it's 328 right? We must've passed it..."

"I swear to fuckin' god..."

"Here it is!" He grabs Awsten's shoulders and turns him to face the door. "I'm good now, you can put your cane away."

"Knock on the fucking door." Awsten's voice is thick. He can hear the tears. "Stop wasting time!"

He moves one arm to Awsten's waist and reaches out with the other to press the doorbell. His heart is still racing, hasn't calmed down since the string of texts started flooding in, accompanied by a phone call he's never going to forget. He can still hear it, the frantic words turning over and over in his brain, a recording playing on repeat.

"Is this Awsten?"

"I'm his roommate. Who are you?"

"Chloe. Geoff's girlfriend? I- this is r-really hard to explain, but Geoff needs Awsten. Something happened. It's really bad please come quick he won't calm down I can't get him to stop crying he keeps scratching his arms and he's bleeding it's so bad please-"

"We're on our way."

He blinks as the door swings open.

She's holding her robe closed against her body. Her hair is pinned back in a messy bun and her eyes are red. He can see her shaking from where he's standing, see how ashen her complexion is and how wild her eyes are. "Oh thank god. F-follow me."

Her voice is shaking so much. She sounds like she's about to burst into tears. It feels like his ears have bottled up that sound and shot it straight into his heart. There's an ache behind his eyes and thickness in his throat. All he can think about is GraceGraceGrace. He wants to go he wants to be anywhere but here he wants to teleport to her house and take her into one of the biggest hugs possible every time he sees a girl cry it conjures up those images he misses his girlfriend he wants to be with his girlfriend he wants to do something he wants to help.

He swallows and moves his hand to Awsten's back as they follow Chloe through the apartment.

Awsten stiffens against him. His body goes rigid. From years of walking so close their bodies are touching, he can tell at the exact moment it happens.

Geoff's cries can be heard through the apartment, but from there they are right now, standing right behind the kitchen, at the end of the hallway that leads to the bedrooms, everything sounds so much louder. He can hear the heavy sobs and ragged breathing, the screams and pained whimpers.

Every single sound sends another arrow into his heart, one case and then another, all stabbing at the same part, one by one detaching that it and sending it falling to the pit of his stomach. It travels amongst the liquid to the switch of nausea and presses against it.

He feels the cold, like he was just dunked into a vat of ice water. Sweat is running down his face, collecting at his forehead. He turns his head to look at Awsten with another swallow.

Awsten is crying, tears silently streaming down his cheeks. His grip on his hand is iron. "Where is he?"

"Here, here," Chloe says quickly. She takes a step forward and turns the doorknob. "He's like, on the floor. But he's moving around a lot, will Awsten be able to-"

"Yeah."

He steps back behind Awsten and puts both hands on his shoulders. He grips tightly, wills his hands to stop shaking, grits his teeth to keep the nausea back.