He's American (Trames au)

Chapter 1- Tristan's POV

I can't get the memory of my boyfriend yelling that he hates me out of my head. Things have been rocky between me and Adam for a while, but I didn't realise that he felt that strongly about me. As weird as it sounds, I kind of wish that he would just dump me and get it over and done with- I'd be much happier, but I just don't have the courage to do it myself.

I somehow managed to hold it together, but now as I walk angrily through the dark streets, I feel the tears welling up. I don't know why I do it to myself, there's literally no upside to this relationship at all, unless you count the sense of relief when I walk away from him after a fight. I want out, and even though it would hurt at first, I think there would mostly be a sense of relief. 

I wipe my eyes roughly with the palms of my hands, but it doesn't stop the tears from falling. I hate how obvious crying is- everyone can see how much you're hurting, even if you'd much rather keep it to yourself. I reach the entrance to my block, and I'm so glad I'm home. Soon I can cry in peace with no one here to watch. To be honest, there's no one really around now, but I still feel quite exposed.

To make things worse, the lift is out of order, so I have to trudge up 4 flights of stairs. I'm just not in the mood, the sooner I can go home and just bawl about my shit life the better. But I appear to have no other option, so I just have to get on with it. As I'm heading up the stairs, I keep replaying the shout of 'I hate you', and it somehow makes me feel even worse than I already do. 

I'm so busy thinking about it that I don't even notice someone walking in the other direction. I walk straight into them, and as soon as I realise, I look up at them stupidly. Confusion spreads through me as I realise that I've never seen this person before- I'm not on first name terms with everyone here, but I know all their faces, except this guy's. "Sorry." I mutter, not in the mood for conversation even though I know it'll seem really rude.

"It's ok." the person says, though they look a bit put out. I walk past him and as soon as I see my door, a sob breaks through as I'm so glad to be nearly home. For some reason, the guy comes back up the stairs, seemingly looking for something. He bends down and retrieves a wallet from off the floor, then stands back up before looking at me curiously. "Hey." he says. "Are you alright?" I guess he must have heard me crying.

I'm feeling a weird mix of emotions, so instead of answering his question, the only thing I think of is how he spoke in a thick American accent, I just didn't notice before. I definitely have no idea who he is now. The guy is still looking at me in a slightly concerned way, and suddenly my brain starts acting normally. "Yeah, I'm fine." I say before beginning to rummage in my bag for my keys. Without saying anything else, I unlock the door and head into my flat.

I'm glad to be home, now I can finally pour all my emotions out without having some random stranger interrogating me. I sit down on the couch and put my head in my hands, at first feeling too numb to do anything, despite my show of emotion earlier. But then the tears suddenly come.

I don't even realise at first, it's only when I instinctively rub my eyes that I notice. And then I can't stop them, so before I know it, I'm bawling on the couch over my horrible boyfriend- if I can even call him that. I didn't even know I had this many tears in me, it's not like I rarely cry. Adam makes me cry at least twice a week, so I haven't been bottling this up for a while.

I don't know how long I cry for, but I do know that I've worn myself out. I check the time on my phone and see that it's nearly midnight, so at least I can just get into bed and start again tomorrow. It most likely won't be better, but I can always hope. I wish for all this to go away a lot, but nothing ever changes.

I go into my bedroom and pull off my jumper and jeans, desperate to just go to sleep. Wearing just a t shirt and my boxers, I get into bed and tuck the covers over myself. I miss the long ago times of falling asleep next to Adam, back when we were still happy. But now I roll over and bury my head in the pillow, ready to start it all again tomorrow.

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So after a 1 week (🙄) hiatus, I'm back with my second trames story 🎉 I really enjoyed the last one, hopefully this one will be good too.

I had a minor heart attack last week as I thought I deleted lush life 😱 It was just an error though and it got sorted, but tbh I panicked an embarrassing amount.