He's American (Trames au)

Chapter 13- James' POV

I'm properly settled in now, and every day I'm increasingly glad that I stayed. Not that I ever seriously considered going home, but there was a time when I didn't think I'd ever be happy here. But I'm happy now, and in a way the struggle has been a good thing- if I can get through that I can get through anything. I'm much more resilient now, and I'm really proud of that. I'm in a good way right now, so I feel extra bad that one of my closest friends isn't.

I went over to see Tristan a few days ago and I found out that he'd been broken up with. He seemed sad, but not overly so, and I very much got the impression that he was in the stage of heartbreak where you feel too numb to really react. I didn't really know how to help- I've been dumped myself before but I think his situation was quite different as his boyfriend always seemed to be awful to him.

I've been having a quiet sort of day today, but I keep worrying about Tristan. I don't know him hugely well, but he's my friend and I care about him. It gets to the point that I'm actually relieved to get a text from him, even though it's a sad face and nothing else. I don't care how keen it looks- I instantly text back 'Are you ok?' However, he doesn't respond. I'm probably way overthinking it, but after 10 minutes with no reply, I decide to go over just to see if he's ok.

I head out and up the stairs before knocking on his door, and for a while I think that he might not be in. But then I'm suddenly grateful to hear footsteps. Sadly, my gratefulness turns to sadness when Tristan opens the door looking tearstained and exhausted. He looks up at me without saying anything, so I start. "Are you alright?"

He doesn't answer the question but does say "What are you doing here?"

"I wanted to see if you were ok." I say gently. "I'm guessing you're not." Tristan sighs and heads back into his apartment, and I follow him. Given his emotional state, I'm surprised it's so clean- the usual stereotypes of someone heartbroken is having litter everywhere. "You don't have to talk if you don't want to." I say. "I just thought it might help."He sits down beside me and opens his mouth to say something, but instead a sob breaks through. Again, I have no idea what to say to this, so I just open my arms.

He looks reluctant for a split second, but then falls into my arms. And then the floodgates literally open- he buries his face into my shoulder and wails like a child, and I feel my own heart break for him. I don't really know how to comfort him, so I just stroke his hair softly. As I hug him tighter as he sobs, I notice that he smells of alcohol, however I don't say anything and just start rubbing his back softly.

Finally he pulls away and wipes his eyes. "Sorry. I don't know where that came from." 

"Don't worry." I say. "It's ok to cry. Do you want to talk about it now?"

He sighs. "I don't know what else to say. Heartbreak is really shit."

"It is." I agree. "I remember reading a poem once that said that heartbreak is orange. Like, you'd think it'd be all grey and depressing, but actually it's bright and everyone can see it and it's obvious."

Tristan sniffles. "I like orange."

I smile. "I like blue. Just in case you were wondering." I'd hoped that would make him smile, and it does. "Anyway," I continue, "I sort of know how you feel. I've had boyfriends dump me before and it is really shit."

Tristan looks up at me. "I didn't know you were gay."

I smile at him gently. "I don't think I've ever needed to mention it before." 

Tristan doesn't reply for a second, but then he says "Boys are the worst, aren't they?" with a smile on his face.

"They're not all the worst." I say. "You're not the worst, there's one."

He laughs. "You're not the worst either. But boys as a whole definitely are." He seems to have cheered up a bit, but I don't want to leave him now. Instead, I keep him company for the next hour or so, just to make sure he's ok. He hasn't done any more drinking, but I guess he's free to do what he likes when I'm gone. Speaking of which, I do have to. 

"Sorry." I apologise. "I kinda have to go now."

"That's fine." Tristan says. He follows me to the door and just as I'm about to leave, he says "Thank you for checking on me. Can I hug you again?" I nod, and he wraps his arms around me again. I hug him back, and then I really have to go as I have an event to photograph tonight. But that's not my worry- my worry is still about Tristan. But there's not much you can do to help someone who doesn't know how lost they are.

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This was sad but I still quite liked it 🙂 Please let me know if you did too!

I booked an after exam trip this week, me and my best friend are going to Amsterdam 🎉 I've never been abroad with no adults before except on school trips, I'm so looking forward to it.