He's American (Trames au)

Chapter 17- Tristan's POV

I was woken up this morning by my phone ringing. It seemed too early, even though it was 10am, but I always sleep heavily after a rough night, which last night certainly qualifies as. I don't really get hangovers though, I guess the one advantage of having a drinking problem is that your body gets used to it. Whoever it was rang off though, but I'm glad it got me up. I need to talk to James today, and sorting myself out would be a good start.

I pull a pair of pyjama bottoms on and go to make some sort of breakfast, which for me mainly consists of coffee to wake me up. I need to be prepared for today, and grogginess is not going to cut it. I'm not that hungry, I'm too nervous to eat really, but I force myself to have some cereal, breakfast being the most important meal of the day and all that. 

Despite my anxiety and tendency to overthink, I have no idea where James and me are going to sort everything out. I'd prefer home turf, at least then I won't have to run home to cry if everything gets worse. Maybe I'm being too pessimistic, but I'm used to boys letting me down. Luckily, there's a knock at the door, and my minor worry is solved when I open the door to see James stood there. "Hey." he says, looking in a much better state than me, although to be fair that's not hard.

"Hi." I say, not really knowing what to. "Do you want to come in?"" James smiles softly and follows me inside. We sit down on the sofa, and weirdly, if anything, I feel more relaxed- not as awkward as I thought it might be, given that I drunkenly kissed him. 

I must still look nervous as the first thing James says is "Please don't apologise again."

"I feel like I need to though." I say. "I got drunk and kissed you and ruined our friendship."

James smiles. "You didn't ruin our friendship. If you had I wouldn't be here right now."

I have to smile, and I slowly find myself beginning to believe that it'll be ok. "Still." I say. "I did kiss you, and I know I was drunk but my feelings aren't your problem and I'm sorry I made them your problem."

"Your feelings." James prompts.

I bite my lip, willing myself not to blush. "I mean, I don't know about you, but I don't tend to kiss people unless I kind of fancy them a bit. Even when drunk." I'd been dreading that, but regardless of what James does next, I'm glad it's out in the open- I'm not very good at keeping my feelings to myself, it's been eating me up.

"Ok."' James say, remarkably chilled and looking almost amused. "You like me just a little bit." 

"Maybe." I say, desperately hoping that it doesn't sound flirty, which is the last thing I need. "I'm sorry, we haven't even been friends that long and here I am unloading all my emotional baggage on you."

"It does involve me." James points out. "And, well, I'd be lying if I said that I didn't like you just a little bit. But even if that's how we both feel about each other, I don't think now is the right time to take it any further."

I thought deep down that this would happen, and while it's not what my heart wants, my head knows it's right. "I think you're right." I say quietly. "Not now."

"It's not personal." James says gently. "It's not that I don't like you, I like you very much. But you've had someone horrible dump you not so long ago and I don't think that you moving on so quickly would be fair to either of us."

"That's very deep." I say, smiling. "But I agree. We're friends now and taking this too far at the wrong time might ruin things." 

"Exactly." James smiles. "There's always the future. I think we should stay friends now, but I'm glad we could be honest." He opens his arms, and I hug him immediately. It's a friendly hug, one that somehow expresses everything to each other. It was a surprisingly easy conversation, maybe because we both feel the same way, and while the result wasn't what I wanted, I think it was the right one- for now anyway.

Eventually we have to pull apart. James smiles. "See, I meant it when I said I wasn't mad at you."

I laugh, for the first time in what feels like ages. "I just couldn't believe you, but I do now." Sadly we can't sit here all day, as we both have places to be- the joys of working retail. James leaves cheerily as he always does, and while that talk got some important stuff off my chest and sorted out, the slight ache in my heart remains.

-----

I wasn't sure how I was going to write this, but it came out better than I thought it would. Please vote and comment if you liked this!

These updates are slightly random because I've been busy and tired 😂 I went to see Taylor Swift last week (which was SO GOOD I love her) and I'm going to Amsterdam this week, though I'll be back my the weekend so I should be able to update then.