bad habits and broken smiles

chapter 6

we stand in the middle of the mall still staring at each other. he finally approaches me "I've liked you ever since i moved here and you know that" he trailed off grabbing my arms and lightly brushing his thumb up and down, "i don't feel the same Matt.... we just started talking" i say feeling terrible, another reason to cut, im a terrible person.

he looks at his feet "i understand, its a valid reason" i look at him flashing a kind smile "i'm sorry Matt, i really do enjoy being with you but we need to give it time." He gives me a look of hope " i will stay for as long as i possibly can until that moment comes, even when you get comfortable around me i will still stay for as long as I can" he rambles and i laugh "what?' he says flashing a smile. "You are rambling again Matt" i say before planting a quick kiss on his soft lips and grab his hand and we walk off.

we just walked silently through the mall, he decided to break the silence "I ramble?" he says looking at his feet then back at me."yes, but i think its cute" i say flashing a toothless smile at him. He blushes and looks at his feet.

I am starting to notice the little things he does a bit more. For example, when he blushes,9 time out of 10 he looks at his feet, and whenever we pass by a group of guys he grips my hand a tad bit tighter and looks at me with a cheeky little smile.

I don't understand his feelings towards me, I'm not a desirable person. I mean I can barely look at myself without crying, I can barely pass on day without crying or 2 days without cutting. If that's desirable he must be insane. I'm just Amy, nobody should ever love me.

**Matt's POV**

She's so quiet... Maybe she's mad. Please don't be mad I would die if she's mad. I told her I love her oh my god I'm such an idiot.

I look down at her and study her face, she's thinking about something I can tell. I know when she's thinking from staring at her so much in grade school. Why does she think she's not beautiful? She's stunning, I mean look at her.

Her blond hair cascades down her shoulders, and the brown underneath makes it all come together. Then there's her lips, so full and soft with a tinted lip balm on that tastes like bubblegum, it's amazing. Then there's those eyes, oh how I love those eyes. They are big and blue and grey and when she wears a certain kind of makeup, they change colour. It's magnificent. Why doesn't she see what I'm seeing?

i look down at my feet "oh my god what did i just do?" i say quietly under my breath "what was that?" she says smiling up at me "nothing just talking to myself" i say quickly and giving her a half smile. idiot don't say that outloud i can't beleive i said that wow

She walks past a store and looks in the window "wow look at those shoes!" She says pointing at the galaxy vans and getting excited. she's so adorable when she's excited, look at the sparkle in her eyes and the smile on her face, I hope someday she looks that way at me.

"Do you like them?" I say looking through the window "no Matt it's ok I can save up for them" she says sighing at the $150 price tag. She doesn't have a job though, how can she afford them?

I go inside the store "can you put these on hold for me?" I say kindly to the clerk who gives me a beaming smile. "of course, who am I holding them for?" She says looking at me then at Amy "Espinosa" I say as Amy looks at me with an angry pout. I mouth you'll thank me later at her and kiss the tip of her nose. "Okay they will be on hold for the next 2 months, is there anything else I can help you with?" She doesn't move that smile from her face, it's kinda creepy. "No, have a nice day" I look at her name tag "Elizabeth" I say and flash a small smile and walk out of the store with the still grumpy Amy.

"Why do you do that Matt?" She says frustrated "because you are worth spending even 2 million dollars on" and she blushes, it's the first time I've seen her blush. I let out a small "awwe" and she looks up "what?" And grabs my hand "you are an adorable blusher, you know that?" I say letting out a laugh. She slips her hand out and lightly hits me, I then grab her hand and lead us to the doors we came in. "c'mon sweetheart, lets go"