bad habits and broken smiles

Chapter 12

**ok guys so I was writing this chapter since the previous one and then the app deleted all of it! I was almost done too :( I'm sorry for the delay!!!!

So Matt and Amy eh? Anyone have ideas for a ship name? Comment

HERE
Ily!*

~Amy~
I couldn't remember really anything else from that night, except a bottle of wine. My eyes opened with dull rays of sun shining through the blinds, I roll over onto my back and look at the ceiling. I sigh and hear Matt groan. I smile small, he's so amazing.

I reach for a ponytail on my wrist but feel the cuts, I've been longing to do it again, but my wrists were too obvious. I close my eyes, but my hips aren't I open my eyes and place my feet on the floor, the carpet feels amazing on my feet. I walk towards my outfit from yesterday and pull out the little metal friend from my jeans. I set it on the bed stand beside me and start looking through clothes.

I didn't want the VS yoga pants right now, but I pulled out a bra and underwear that said "cheeky" on the ass.... Greaaaat. And put them onto my body. I then find a pair of white jeans and a plaid shirt that's red and black. I shrug and put it on.

Then I return to my metal friend and take it in my hands "I missed you" I whispered lightly and run a finger over the length of it.

I push the edge of my jeans down and look to make sure Matt isn't awake. I push it into my skin and move it to my right, it slicing the delicate skin.

I continue to do it now at 5, a tear rolls down my cheek but my expression is emotionless.

30. The cuts are letting off blood bubbles, some of them running down a tad.

50. I can't stop now, it feels too good.

"what are you doing..." I hear from behind me, Matts voice fills my head snapping me from this trance. "Amy... What's that?" He says staring at my waist/thigh that's soaked in blood, the jeans absorbing the red colour.

"Why?" He says pleading, tears running down his face, he gets out of bed and steals the blade from my hand and grabs my non cut side of my waist with one arm and kisses me firmly. He hugs me with both arms, avoiding the fresh cuts and my head buries into his chest.

I start crying as he sways us back and forth calmly, he quietly whispers "shhh it's okay baby" as he plants a kiss on the top of my head. He takes a step back and grabs my face with both hands "I love you, okay?"

All I could do was nod my head and continue to cry, him pulling me into his chest again. He sways again and finally lets go not making eye contact. He walks into the small bathroom and closes the door, but not fully only a crack showed.

I didn't think he was going to the bathroom I mean it didn't seem like the time. I peaked through the door crack and saw him leaning over the sink, crying.

I put my back against the wall just behind me, I sink down to the floor and hold my knees close to me. I'm such an idiot... Poor Matt. He has to deal with a shitty person like me...

~Matt~

I can't believe she just did that..... Holy shit that actually happened. If I didn't wake up, there could've been even more. I'm so glad I woke up but I feel like I wish I hadn't. Seeing that was just... Heartbreaking. I was watching a few minutes before I actually spoke. I just saw her and.....froze. Like ice I sat there and watched her hurt herself.

The tiles feel cold against my feet as once again I feel frozen. My eyes run down water as I hold my head up with my arms. I finally splash some water against my face and I look in the mirror. Pull yourself together Matt. I run my fingers through my hair one last time and open the door.

I look in the spot she was standing when I left, but nothing is there. Where the FUCK did she go?! I see her curled up to the left of my eye, her head tucked in her knees and arms holding her legs close.

I've never seen her look like that, so small and fragile. I mean, like she's always been small- skinny way, but not like this... It's hard to explain but y'know what I mean.

I kneel down beside her and lift her chin with 2 fingers. I look into her eyes, bloodshot but still shining. A brighter blue than before a beautiful colour, I kiss her with the most passion I can gather.

I pull away, savoring the taste of her lips, and look her in the eyes. They are no longer as blue and bloodshot and there are no more tears. "I love you Amy, I mean like I know you don't because, yeah. But I do really love you, like it's always been you, and it always will be."

She smiles weakly at me and I hold out my hand to help her up, gently she slides her hand into mine and I gently pull her up. She reaches her feet and looks at me, flashing another weak smile then hugs my tightly and warmly "thank you" she whispers.

I stand in silence and just plant a kiss on the top of her head.

It's always been about her.

And it will always be about her.