Thirty-Six

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Chapter's song: Gavin James - Nervous

I want to run behind him, to let him know that I'm an idiot, that I should have said something, that whatever he thinks is going on, it's not there, but it's like my body literally crumbles

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I want to run behind him, to let him know that I'm an idiot, that I should have said something, that whatever he thinks is going on, it's not there, but it's like my body literally crumbles. A sharp pain bursts from inside my belly. It's so strong that I fold in pain. My legs are shaking as I make my way to the nearest thing I can lay my hands on. I manage to sit down and even though the physical pain is very strong, it's nothing compared to how I feel inside.

I love Mark; I do.

I just didn't want to hurt him, and I made it worse.

Tears are streaming down my cheeks as the pain subsides. Smoke comes out of the oven and the alarm starts off.

For fuck's sake.

Taking a deep breath, I step towards the kitchen to take out the lasagna I'd cooked. Mark's wine bottle is there, and a sob comes out of my mouth as I turn off the oven and try to spread the smoke with a kitchen towel. When the alarm finally goes off, I get my phone and dial Mark.

The phone rings once, twice, many times and he doesn't answer me. Of course. Why would he? I just broke his heart by being the most idiotic person ever.

With trembling hands, I type him a text:

I'm very sorry. Please talk to me. I can explain everything.

But of course he doesn't answer me once more.

I deserve this. I know I do.

The ache in my belly is still there, so I take a painkiller and call it a night, hoping that if I give Mark some space, he'll calm down. Right now, I'm the last person he wants to see. I know because I feel so disappointed in myself too. I manage to walk to my bed and as soon as my head touches the pillow; I hug my knees in a fetal position. I'm so tired and as I close my eyes, while still tearing up. It doesn't last long; I fall asleep a moment later.

My eyes flutter open before the sunrise. I feel weird; the cramps are still there, so I try to stand up to go to the bathroom but the moment I move, I feel that something is not right. 

My clothes feel damp. I turn on the light and my whole body freezes as I stare at my hand. 

It's bloody. 

I look down my legs and there's blood everywhere. 

My heart is going so fast that it seems as if it's about to explode. A shiver runs down my spine. I call the emergency line and I have the urge to call Mark, but I don't. 

I send Emily a text before darkness engulfs me. 

 

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