Heal // z.m

thirty nine | feelings & bath talks

Zayn

"Come on, grumpy cat. It's two pm, already!" Caroline wave the small plastic bag, where my pills were in, in front of my face. "It says nine am. You haven't taken them, why didn't you, Zayn?" She pointed at the time that was typed down onto a sticker, along with the type of medication it was and my name.

Turning around, I faced the nightstand, not feeling like talking today. Exhaustion had taken over me, along with the pain that shamelessly bored through my muscles and bones.

Truth was, I hadn't closed one eye after Rose had left. My thoughts had driven me insane, the image of her beautiful face constantly present in my mind. The constant thought of me liking her, finally having admitted to myself that I liked her. It was something I couldn't deny anymore and I thought once I would have admitted it to myself, it would give me some rest.

Except, it didn't, at all. It drove me crazy to the point where I couldn't sleep and felt unwell. I was confused, feeling helpless as how to handle my emotions I had because of her, maybe even towards her.

"Zayn, I'm asking you something." Caroline searched for eye contact, her voice sounded rather stern.

"I just didn't, okay?" I mumbled out, feeling frustrated. "I slept through nine am, because I couldn't sleep last night." Roughly kicking the covers off me, I stamped over to the bathroom and started filling up the bathtub with hot water.

"Oh, I'm sorry. That explains it." Caroline looked at me, a frown appeared on her forehead. "What are you going to do?"

Reaching for the towels and throwing them onto the closed toilet lid, I glanced at her. "Clearly, I'm going to eat, that's why I'm filling the bathtub." I tried to tease, but because I didn't laugh, it came off sarcastic and moody, which wasn't my intention.

Thankfully, Caroline knew me, so therefore she didn't take it the wrong way and simply laughed it off. "Alright, I see how it is. Just to let you know, though, I'm not going to let you do this on your own again, seeing your state right now."

"Caroline.." I sighed, brushing my fingers over my bald head. "I'll be fine, I promise."

Caroline raised her eyebrows. "I'm keeping an eye on you, if you want to or not." She mentioned firmly, reaching for the laundry that had been washed. I watched her as she gently placed the wet clothes into a basket, to bring it over to the dryer instead.

Taking off my shirt, I had to try really hard to suppress my sigh, knowing she was only caring. "Caroline, I'll be fine. I can do it myself and besides, I'm in the bath, not in the shower. No chance I'll faint and fall like that again.

She started singing. "Still keeping an eye on you."

Biting my bottom lip, I watched how the faucet slowly filled the tub with steaming water. There was no point in fighting back, I knew once Caroline had gotten something inside her head, you couldn't get it out. Besides, I knew she was only doing what was best for me. Once my clothes were off fully, I sank down into the warm, soapy, water, breathing out in relief.

However, Caroline rushed over to me, her eyes wide. "Wait, your tube." She mumbled to herself, retrieving my beanie and pulling it back over my head. "Keep this on, so your tube doesn't fall into the water." She instructed, attaching the tube to my beanie.

"Alright." I answered quietly, slowly stretching my arms and legs as the aching in my muscles and bones were still present. Closing my eyes, I simply tried to ignore it, letting my thoughts run again, but surely, they went to her right away.