Heal // z.m

45 | flying balls & red skin

Zayn

My breathing was erratic, I couldn't stop panting. My physical condition had decreased so badly, I could barely run for two minutes straight. It was lightly frustrating- I used to be quite sportive, but what I had once built up was now demolished through my stay at the hospital.

"Come on, Zayn! We'd have expected better from you." One of my teammates mumbled, making frown at him, a sigh leaving my parted lips as I simply couldn't do better.

Walking over to the back of our 'field', I tried to catch my breath, parting my lips as my lungs longed to be filled. "Why do I have to do this?" I questioned Caroline, deeply furrowing my eyebrows as the, rather, unfamiliar feeling of annoyance washed over me.

Caroline softly pushed me back onto the field. "It's important to stay active, especially when you feel more tired than usual. We cannot always let you give in to your tiredness- the doctors explained you that themselves, right?"

"You never made me do this before!" I whisper- exclaimed, bringing my hand to the spot on my stomach, the radiation spot had been feeling rather itchy the past few days. Scratching felt satisfying, hurt in some ways- but was relieving at least.

Caroline removed my hand quickly, shaking her head in disapproval. "Don't scratch, you'll damage the spot.. Just play one more round of basketball and you can go back to your room, okay?" Her voice was clear, I knew I had to listen to her- she only wanted the best for me.

Turning around as I didn't feel like fighting against it, I tried to suppress the exhausted feeling. Caroline had thought that I would like basketball, it only reminded me of Nathan. Reluctantly standing on my position, I didn't bother to run over to the ball once I had to chance. I waited until the ball came my way.

When it did come my way, I stretched out my arms and tried to pass it over to one of my teammates, but failed miserably, the whole team, including me, watching the ball smack onto the floor.

"Seriously?!" The disappointment was definitely audible, I gave them a sheepish look.

"It's just a game.." Mumbling to myself, I picked up the ball, threw it into the air and when I got ahold of it again- I smacked it onto the floor on the side of the opposite team as hard as I could, the adrenaline of irritation being the cause of it.

Cheers were heard not much later, apparently I had scored.

Smiling lightly, I walked back over to Caroline and sat down upon one of the wooden, gym benches beside her. "Wait, why can I be around all of these people, but not Rose?" I wondered, genuinely.

"Could've been her. It's almost been two weeks, but she isn't working today." She answered simply, the hope growing lightly inside of me.

It truly had almost been two weeks. No matter how short other people would find it, to me those two weeks had felt like months, barely believing that I had went through them. Those days were the most lonely days I had been through. It truly had affected my mood, I felt so low.

There were days where I had been extremely nauseous and I indeed had gotten diarrhea, but being helped felt so strange. Their mouth caps and gloves made me feel miserable, made me feel like a bother. I had refused to press upon the help button at some point and tried to do everything myself as much as I could. From cleaning up my own vomit to trying and give myself tube feeding. It hadn't ended that well, but I just wanted to isolate.