Heal // z.m

44 | distant & visits

Zayn

"Make sure the radiation spot doesn't get soap on it, Zayn!" Caroline's voice was loud, perhaps so I could hear her voice above the water that was running, soaking my body.

Sighing a little, I yelled. "I know!" Carefully trying to wash my body without getting the soap there, as she told me. Due to the radiation, my skin was extremely sensitive around that area and soap could harm it quite a lot.

Holding the dry cloth to the spot, I tried to wash myself with another one. It was clumsy, but I managed to do it right. I then washed my head, rinsed the soap and shampoo off and stepped away from the spray, reaching for a towel. Carefully drying myself I slipped on my underwear, loose sweatpants and a loose shirt.

It had been the second day after my radiation and I was doing surprisingly okay. I was a little tired, but other than that I was feeling perfectly fine. The only thing I absolutely disliked was the fact that Caroline had to wear a mouth cap around me. As if I was a toxic person- which I, practically, was right now. It just didn't feel right- made me feel worthless in a way.

The thing I hated even more was the fact that Rose wasn't allowed to be with me for a while as they wanted to protect her from the radiation. I didn't know if I could survive without her for two weeks- she had always been here, every week, putting a smile on my face. And now, when I was more lonely than usual she couldn't be here, just when I needed her so much.

Don't get me wrong- her health was very important, especially to me so there was no way I wanted to harm her with my radiation, but that didn't take away the constant feeling of missing her quite a lot.

Sighing sadly as I was stuck in my thoughts, I shoved away the shower curtain, watching Caroline making my bed with her mouth cap pulled down slightly. Once I was seated on a chair that stood on the right side of the room- so she could do her thing without me harming her- I simply watched her.

"You know what smells good.. nice shampoo." Caroline mentioned, still making my bed after changing the sheets.

"Mama bought it for me." Shrugging slowly, I retrieved a few blank sheets and pencils, starting to draw some random stuff as my creativity itched my hands, the boredom taking over as well.

Caroline smiled, she had always told me that she loved how supportive my family was, how my family was one of the less that were still so close, the bond strong. "That's sweet. Speaking of your mum, she wanted to come by today. Would you like that? She said your dad and sisters would come as well. Probably for dinner."

I looked up at her, "Of course I would, but are they allowed to?"

"Yeah, Zayn. It's okay. They just can't come very near you. If you know what I mean." A sad smile appeared on her face, her dark hands stuffing the used sheets and covers into the washing bag, that would be picked up and emptied at the end of the day.

Nodding slowly, my mind started debating with thoughts. Surely wanting to see my family, I also felt that it didn't really make sense, seeing we wouldn't be able to be near each other due to the radiation.

"Alright, Zayn. I have to leave, more patients are waiting for a fresh bed. Press on the button when something is wrong, okay?" Her face stood rather sad, it made me wonder why. "I'm sorry you have to go through this sweetheart. You must feel alone. It'll be over soon."

Watching her leave my room, I stared at the closed door for a while. Honestly, it hadn't crossed my mind that it would make me feel alone, but it surely had made me feel that way. She wasn't here as much as usually, she would come to feed me only or whenever I'd have pressed onto the button.