What It's Like Loving an Idiot

Forty Eight || Where Did He Go

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I clear my throat and wipe the tears that begin to roll down my cheek more intensely. I straighten out my dress and take a deep breath before going back into that restaurant. It would be easier to bolt, but I don't do that and more importantly, I can't because you don't do that to the people you care about. I close my eyes for a moment and sigh. I can't believe that James fucking well did this to me.

I pull open the doors and slowly walk back to my table. As the uneasy feeling takes over my stomach, I try to figure out what the hell I'm going to tell them because obviously the truth is out of the question. At this point, I am so angry that I don't care about his reputation with my family. He fucked this up himself, this is in no way my fault.

The moment I step up to the table my mother's smile turns into a frown as she stares at me. "Vena, is something wrong?" she asks me.

I roll my hand into a fist behind my back, gathering everything in myself to stop myself from crying. I can't do this here, I can do it at home with the comfort of a bottle of wine.

"Um, no. James had to go, but that's okay, we can finish our meal." I try to be as nonchalant as I can, but I can tell by the expression on my mother's face that she is not buying into my bullshit, but she nods anyways. I sit down in my chair and pick up my fork. I just want to get this dinner over with so I can go home and cry over my sad life.

"Well, isn't that just expected," Orlando snickers from the other side of the table.

I close my eyes and take a deep breath, but it doesn't work to calm me down. I open my eyes and everyone else's are on me. I stare at Orlando, sure that there is nothing but fire coming from my expression. "Orlando..." I trail off. "You are an asshole. Actually, no, worse than that, you are a douchebag. Listen, I am done with your shit. What are you trying to prove at this point? Because all you're doing is pissing me off and you know what I'm done. You are out of fucking control and I'm done. You know, I could care less if you don't like who I date because to be frank, I really don't care what you think. You are my brother, you get absolutely no say, so yeah, I'm done. You treat James like nothing but shit and I'm done with sitting around and letting it happen, so just leave us alone. I don't care if you are my family, you have absolutely no right to interfere." I stand up, feeling the anger sink deep into the pit of my stomach. "I'm just, I'm done. I'm leaving, I can't deal with this right now," I mumble to myself. I look at Orlando and his face twists into that stupid expression he gets when his feelings have been hurt. I grab my coat and put it on. "And don't give me that look, this is your fault, Orlando. You caused this, I am leaving because of you." Of course that is partly true, but I think at this point just the smallest things are going to set me off.

"Vena—" Orlando starts, but I ignore him.

I grab my bag and put it on my shoulder. Just as I am about to run away in the anger and terror that has become my emotions, I turn back to my family. "I'm sorry to do this, but I just, I need to go. There is no bill, James's parents covered it, so don't worry about. I'm just— I'm going to go. Mom, just call me later and we'll talk but I can't do this right now, I'm just, I'm going to go, bye."

She gives me a small smile, "Okay, Sweetheart."

I nod and turn, walking away, feeling my emotions begin to take over me. Soon enough tears are falling and I don't know how to stop them. By the time I get outside, I feel some relief. I feel the sweet fresh air of this city hit my face and I am enveloped by it. I take deep breaths, trying to keep myself from flying into a roller coaster that has gone off its rails. Although, I'm sure as people see me on the sidewalk, it looks that that has already happened to me.