What It's Like Loving an Idiot

Fifty Four || Million Bucks

Vena's POV

Wearing someone else's belongings never really bothered me. I never felt like I was overstepping, especially if they offered them to me. I must've tried on over twenty of Creana's dresses and never in my life did I think that trying on dresses would be so much work. Although, I didn't mind, all of her dresses made me feel like a million bucks. Probably because they all cost something close to that... Well, that's an exaggeration, but I think I've made my point. Playing dress up isn't the issue, it's the idea of going out that is. To be quite honest, I haven't really gone out since I moved out of my parent's house. I mean sure, I went to parties, but most of those I attended with Grayson. Before Leah and Creana, I never really had any "girlfriends" and it's a weird concept. In high school, I always had friends that were boys, hardly ever girls. I'm not really all that sure how this whole "going out" thing exactly works, in fact I don't have a single clue. To be more specific on my nervousness, I feel weird about going anywhere without James. Let me be clear, I can see the codependency here and I can see how unhealthy it is, but to be honest I don't really know how to be alone. I've been with James for roughly fours months and I know that doesn't seem like much of anything, but it's just how life happened.

I look at Creana as she applies winged eyeliner to her lid with the utmost amount of perfection.

"Can I ask you something?" I ask, looking at the both of us in the mirror.

She lowers the brush and turns and looks at me, "Yes, of course."

She stares back at me waiting for my question. "Is Ryder okay with you going out to these clubs filled with weird random men?" I ask. Truthfully, I don't know if they're weird random men, I have nothing to base these assumptions off of.

She laughs, which leads me to believe that my question is ridiculous. "Of course he does, Vena. I mean it's not like I'm going out there and looking for men to sleep with, that's just not me. When I'm in a relationship, I rarely stray and with Ryder I could never see that happening," she pauses and looks at me for a moment. She opens her mouth to say something, but quickly closes it and looks back at the mirror.

I furrow my eyebrows at her actions. "What? What's wrong?" I ask her, a slight frantic tone in my voice.

She turns to me, a bright red lipstick tube in her hand. "Ryder doesn't tell me what to do, so does James tell you?"

I'm slightly taken aback at her question. "No, I mean, we just never really went anywhere and I don't have anyone to hang out with since Grayson started dated Leah."

She shrugs and turns back to the mirror. "Well, what do I know? You know your own relationship better than me."

Before Autumn walked back into James's life, we were happy. I mean we hung out with our friends all the time and went to our classes. Back then, life made sense, but it also felt like a fairytale, a utopia. I believe that over time, we saw our friends less and less and our concentration on our future faltered. To a person who doesn't know the whole story, it may be possible they might believe that James is controlling, domineering, emotionally abusive. But, through everything, he was never that because honestly, I don't think he's capable of it. He's just not that type of person. Sure, he's hurt me in other ways, but that's all because he doesn't think things through, or at least not well.

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I feel out of place with these lights flashing and the music booming. Creana's friends were nice enough, but I felt judged by those business majors. The moment we got here, they didn't bother getting a drink first, they headed straight to the dancefloor and never looked back. Of course with them not looking back, it gave a me a chance to disperse from them and they never even noticed. Creana told me that her friends and her keep on eye on each other. Either she meant that only her and her friends do that, or they're really bad at it.