The Way She Loved Me

nineteen

JENNIE.

The hectic immigrating magpies that spurge the neighborhood every morning indicated the epitome of the new season in the country. The airy breeze, the crippling sun, the blossoming of the glowing lilac leaves of Jacaranda trees had always been a reminder that spring blooms more beautiful here in Sydney. But this time, the change of season did not just limit to the natural aspects, spring also transitioned me into something more cryptic, as it arrived.

Honestly, a lot has changed after a month. Perspectively speaking. I've become critical, severe, and apprehensive, but on the inside I was still breathing for her. No, I always breathe for her. I corrected. My haven, my salvation, my art, my masterpiece, my ever epitome of spring. I am still in love with her, of course. Rosé has become more tragically beautiful in my eyes ever since the last time we spoke, I've been fighting this struggle everyday. There are times I lie awake and regret the decisions that led me away from someone whom I always needed to be with. So you're asking me why do I detach myself from the love that has been the only essential element to my soul? Because, it was a hell of an abstract deal. And I don't step on void and unclear domains. Add the fact that she tore my heart in the middle of the pouring rain when all I thought was how will I finally say the word yes after the mental battle I have gone through with myself. That right there, turned the tables upside down.

But knowing myself, I know if Rosé pulls me back anytime, I won't even hesitate to jump in, and crash right into her again, and that scared me. I am torn between my guarded thoughts and my hopeless romantic feelings, and I don't know where to stand. Especially now that Scott has been added to this ever growing spectacle. . . He ridiculed me into his slyness, and I ended up trapped in this idiotic deal he planned out.

SO let me break this down. I was in the middle of a lament state of being when Scott promptly asked me out. He asked me out in one, seemingly harmless, date which turned out to be a f'cking trap. 

"Date me, or I can just tell the whole school you're not the straight, ladylike student body president they grew fond of." I gusted out in response to his cretin words, just to hide the fact that what he said just got me really tensed inside. "Tsss. Go f'cking date yourself, you can't even come up with an actual threat." I taunted with an unwavering sage in my tone, trying my best to hide the actual anxiety that's already building up in me.

"Oh you want an actual threat, baby?" He suddenly advanced forward, with a smug attitude building up two times faster than his usual, which made me bonk into the car behind me, he then placed both of his arms in the sides so that I can't escape. I tried my best to maintain my fervent face, but failed when he leaned closer and nimble at my left ear. "Election is fast-approaching and I know you've been planning to stay on your throne to get that valedictorian title after. But you know I can always turn the tables around, remember who owns the school." he whispered. Shivers of fear cradled my skin, for the first time, this stupid jock has threatened me. Is he planning to boycott the elections? If I can't win this term, I would loose points that could qualify be as a valedictorian candidate, and it has always been the final goal of mine all throughout high school. I would definitely be in misery if I can't do that valedictory speech which was my parent's only wish.

"Damn, I hate the fact that you're able to use your Dad's power over school, a brat like you doesn't deserve that kind of privilege." I retorted with a snap. He distanced himself to look into my eyes and smugly smirked, "Sorry to disappoint you." 

"Why are doing this anyway?!" I irritatingly asked and shot a dubious look at the blonde. He surprisingly released a sigh and wavered his head down, signaling me that he's going to reveal something personal, "My dad wants me to stop being a crackhead and make the right decisions this senior year. You know decisions like, dating the student body president and pass all of my exams, something like that. " he replied with honesty echoing throughout his tone. I actually didn't expect that he would be this open, this is creeping me out. "But in what part of dating a student body president can you find the right decision in there?" I retorted back a question. Honestly, I had instances where I've met Scott's father, Mr.Jenkins. It was either I receive certificates from him for winning national academic competitions or congratulating me backstage after a play, he is a warm person with great nobility and generosity in his heart. A total opposite of Scott.