Was I Ever Really Loved By You? (TRAMYHEARTSERIES #2) (ON-GOING)

Chapter 21 💖 Zereff 💖 Wanted Mess

Unang pagkakataon pa lang na tumibok ng higit sa normal ang puso ko para kay Karina, noong tumatakbo ito palapit sa akin na hawak ang medalya at diploma sa pagtatapos ng elementarya, alam ko na, na may mali na sa akin.

At sa bawat pag ngiti nito na nagiging resulta ng pagsingkit ng mga magagandang mata nito, paglalambing sakin na makipaghuntahan at turuan sa mga asignatura nito, na labis namang kinatutuwa ng kalooban ko, muli, nakumpirma ko, malaki na nga ang mali sa pagkatao ko.

Lumipas ang mga taon, pero ganoon pa din ang epekto nito sakin. Samantalang kung tutuusin, isa lamang itong bata sa agwat ng mga edad namin. Siyam na taon. Siyam na taon eksakto ang tanda ko dito. High School na ko nung panahong unang taon palang nito sa elementarya. Nakita ko pa nga ang kapanganakan nito, nasaksihan ang binyag at unang kaarawan. Binantayan ang paglaki. Ginabayan at inalagaan na parang isang tunay na Kuya. Walang kahit ano mang malisya.

Kaya bakit dito piniling tumibok ng hindi normal ng puso ko? Bakit dito ako nakakaramdam ng kakaibang saya at galak 'pag kasama ko ito?

Hindi ko na mabilang kung ilang beses kong kinuwestiyon ang sarili kong katinuan. May babaliw pa ba at ririmarim sa tulad kong nagsisinta sa isang dalagita?

Mali na nga na makaramdam ako dito ng kakaiba sa agwat ng edad namin, idagdag pa na kapatid ito ng matalik kong kaibigan. Mas lumaki pa iyon nang magbago ang estado naming dalawa, guro na ako nito ngayon at estudyante ko na ito.

Kaya bakit ko ito hinahalikan ng buong suyo ngayon? Bakit ko hinahayaang makawala ang matagal ko ng tinimping emosyon?

"Oh God Baby you're so sweet..." hindi ko napigilang daing.

I can't comprehend what got me. I know, I am sick, literally and figuratively, but it does not gave me enough reasons to do this things.

Yes I long so much for her kisses. So much that I could almost die now in highness.

The first time she kissed me at School, I foresee the huge mistake, 'cause God knows how much I don't want to controled myself to devour her whole. Yet, I was capable to held back myself.

But presently, I can't almost regulate myself more. I want her. I want her so bad that it's too painful.

Then, she pushed me away.

I can't grasp if I should feel grateful or not, but I am hurt. My heart ached even more when she run away without even saying a word.

She kissed me before, so why'd she acting now as if she didn't want to taste my lips anymore?

Ah yes, because she doesn't like me now.
Not anymore.

She's been avoiding me for days.
I know this is the foremost thing she will do after that moment.

But still, I can't take it.

How ironic.

For more than two years, I was the one that avoiding her, but it doesn't hurt like this much. Yes it does hurt but I must do what I needed to do to prevent her from the mess and to withhold my sane and wits.
Even losing her is the means.

But when she said she like someone else?
I saw red all over my face.
I want to grab the neck of that bastard and strangle him till I knock out all his cells.

I feel my heart sliced in two when she averted me after that, and now she's doing it again, forestalling my every gaze.
Preventing our eyes to met.

"Can someone answer this problem?... Hmmm, Palencio. Please answer this equation." Mando ko para tumingin ito. Pero hindi pa din ito tumingin. Lihim akong nagpasalamat sa taong umudyok dito para alamin ang nagaganap. Tumayo ito at lumapit ng walang lingon sakin.