I'm Not Myself (Rochu)

Memories

1p Russia P.O.V

I woke up to find my wound had fully healed. I find myself in my room while everyone eals was downstairs, they were talking quite loud.

I slowly got up and made my way down stairs.

"Whats going on?" I asked as I entered the room to find Japan crying his eyes out on Americas shoulder while England crushed his tea cup in his hand

"How are you feeling?" Italy asked

"I feel better thanks," I smiled at him

"What happened?" I asked

"China shot himself," America replied as he looked over towards me with dull eyes

"He wants you to know that.." France fell quite

"Know that he loves you," Germany finished as he pulled out a letter

"He worte a letter to all of us," England sound dead. I took the letter and opened it.

Dear Russia

I'm sorry that you lost your memory. That was my fault, you fell and hit your head, I feared that if I took care of you somthing bed will happen to you so I gave you back to your sisters and I tried to make sure that you would never see me again just in case all the memories came flying back making you hate me for what I've done or worst!

I'm so sorry

I don't want to see you upset that it was my fault...

Anyway I want to tell you that I still love you.

I still love you more then a friend even through I bearly see you, I still love you for who you are.

I became your lover and you became mine but then you lost your memory because of me.

Can you promise me something?

Can you promise me that you will find a new lover?

Love China

I looked up at the others in shock.

"He asked me to look after Hong Kong," England spoke

"He asked me to take good care of Japan,"

"He asked me to keep an eye out for Tawain and Korea,"

"What did he ask?" Italy asked

"He asked me to find a new lover..."

Suddanly memories came flying back to me, hitting me across the face, the pain felt the same when China slaps me.

It wasn't fun.

China raised me

China took me in

China looked after me

China took care of me

China sometime (all the time) ku fu kicked me when I brake into his house

China sometimes slaps me when I was began a prev

China told me off when I sceard Korea

But

China loved me

China still loves me!!

"I remember now!!"

"China loves me!"

"I remeber who he is now!"

"Dont you think your a but late?" America asked as a gleard at me

"Shut up fatass,"

"Russia-san then do you remember how you hit your head?" Japan asked with water in his eyes

I closed my eyes

I saw myself running with China close behind.

We were in World war two.

The Germans and Japanses were close behind us.

We ran for shelter.

I remembering looking over my shoulder to see China on the ground.

I turned back for him.

He was yelling at me to leave him

Once I was close it turned out that he had been shot in the leg

I picked him up and ran

We ran until we reached a cliff

At the bottom was very thick snow

I pushed China off the cliff with me as they began to fire at us

As we fell China smiled at me with tears running down his face before bring hitting me on the head with the hilt of his sword.

"We were falling and he hit me on the head..."

"Do you know why?" France asked I shook my head no

"China couldn't feel pain after all he has been living for 400 years with all the war and battles his been through."

"When we found you two, you both had a lot of broken bones, cuts and wounds."

"China didn't want you to suffer the pain he went throght, he didn't want you to die because of the pain so he knocked you out."

"But when he realized that you lost your memory he broke down,"

"He asked us to stop inviting you to world meetings fearing that if you see him you will remember."

"And when we said no he either begged us or when we need him he would refuse to help or attended the meeting."

"He didn't want you to remember how much pain he had put you through."

"He didn't want you to lose your memory but then he didn't want to hear you scream when they pop your bones back into place."

"He really did love you, while you were out he stayed by your side even when he was fully healed,"

"He loves you so much! Hell he loved you more then he loved England and Rome!" America grinned before Germany And France both threw a book at him

"Grandpapa Rome? Ve!! He was in love with China but he could never love one person!" Italy smiled

"Me and China was a thing and when Hong Kong came along, things went down hill..." England lowered his head

"Where is China now?" I asked earning a loud cry from Japan

"Lets not talk about where he is..." France nodded

"Are you hungary?" Italy asked as our stomic growled

"I will go and cook you someing!!" Italy dragged Japan into the kitchen

"Where is he?" I asked again

"He's dead Russia, countries dies if they get shot in the head,"

"He's gone,"