the cracks that appear

Finding where she fits in

Everyone says there's a place for you somewhere, but what if there wasn't. Belonging somewhere is one of the hardest things to get over but Abby knows how to deal with it. Spending the better half of 15 years living behind defences and barriers isn't something that is easy to overcome. Abby spent those years trying to express herself through her hairstyles if she was feeling positive but when she felt sad and distraught she would hide even more and bottle emotions, she knew people werern't going to take the time to understand all the quirks to her personality. Having free dress days at school was one of the best things she thought, first one she remembers she wore a really short navy dress that her nanny had gotten her, so it was quite special, the dress had multicoloured peeks of triangles that diverted attention, as far as she remembers she had worn a pair of knee high furry heeled boots which looked so cozy. Seeing girls in her class' reaction was something she expected because making a statment was something she loved to do alot. Given the fact that having a fiesty temper and that something people didn't expect from her, as a example when one of her best friend's lost her mother at 14, Abby broke in ways it shouldn't have been possible. Having friends around was something that helped her get through it. during the passing weeks between finding out about her friend's mother dying and the funeral. Abby had tried not to cry but couldnt help it when it got too much, as at this point keeping people at a distance was easier than letting them in. school got tough as well as the fact it happened at a time where Abby barely got to see her mother. The fact that Abby had exams like 4 months after put her under so much stress and made her learn how to get rid of emotions quickly without dwelling too much on them. looking back Abby knows that while all this was happening she wasn't in a good place in terms of emotions or mental strenght. Abby has learned how to let people who mean alot to her in and allow them to know her darkest secrets. coping with stress and drama is easy for Abby now as mostly she causes it and finds away to keep herself from being involved first hand. Abby uses literature to help as well as knowing someone else either fiction or not has something more fucked up than what Abby feels like makes her feel so much better. Abby knows for definate that she will do everything in her power to not allow herself to slip into self-destructive mode again, the thoughts of energy drinks actually makes her physcially sick inside.

this took a bit of effort to find inspiration to write, but im hoping it's to a good standard. having you guys in the know about alot of things in my life helps get through things easier. hope yous enjoy, until next chapter. lots of love Natasha