My Secrets. (My Self Harm, EatingDisorders, Bullied,Self hate, and Recovery)

Work Out Freak ( Eating Disorders)

While I was writing this I was listening to Ed Sherran. NEVER listen to Ed Sheeran when its 12 am and youre writing about your life. You will get feels and will cry and just ugh, im sobbing right now. Hes amazing tbh I love him so yeah enjoy this chapter, and thank the ginger jesus mkay :) :* ♡ ~ Aly

So my therapist told my doctor about my eating habit, and later diagnosed me with anorexia nervosa. My parents became very strict on what I ate and when I ate. They checked during breakfast, snack, and dinner. They made sure I had enough intake of food. They also hid all pills, so I was out of reach from them. They only pills that I was able to take were my asthma medicine, and that wouldnt kill me or anything. But I couldnt take laxatives, weight loss pills, even advil.

The only thing that I hid from them was this detox tea, that made me constipated, but I rarely drank that because it tasted nasty and I hated gettibg constipated I made me nauseous.  :/

Anyways, they said that instead of not eating, I should eat healthy and balanced, as well as excercise more. So whenever they went to the gym, which was everyday, I went with them. I personally didnt like going to the gym, not because im a lazy ass and likes staying in bed all day. But, it was because the people there just stared at me and I felt judged just by the way they stared down at me. I also got in way too many arguments with old ladies there, and creepy ass mean staring at my butt when I was cleaning the machine I was on. I just felt uncomfortable in there. But I went anyway, and instantly I got hooked on doing weights and those kind of machines.

After a while, I got a little bit carried away with the whole working out thing. When my dad would come home from work, I would ask to go to the gym and wouldn't take no for an answer. He was just glad I was working out.

I started doing this daily routine of doing cardio for an hour and losing 500 and higher of calories. Then, going to the weight lifting room machines, and spending the rest of the time there. Mostly working on my thunder thighs and arms. ( I have flabby arms) And after we left, I would do around 200 or more jumping jacks, and crunches. It got so bad that from doing jumping jacks, I got blisters on my feet.

The best time I would do my at home excercises we at night, where everyone was asleep and wouldnt bother me. I found it the best way, so after I worked out I would change myself into some pjs and go straught to sleep. But everything always had consequences.

My grades rapidly fell from what was once an A or B, to a D-. And it was because I would stay up all night ( 1D reference lol)  and end at 12 in the morning. It was a bad ritual, but it was the only way that would quickly make me pass out, since I would work my butt off and sweat. My parents saw my report card and saw the drastic change and quickly consulted be. They were pissed.

I would just make excuses saying that my teachers didnt teach right, and when I asked how to do an exercise from the homework or classwork they wouldnt exactly give me the explanation I wa looking for. ( Which is true btw) But ghey still didnt take that as an answer, and talked to my teachers about the grades.

Anyways, beside all the school drama and failing classes, I still wasnt at my goal weight. And I knew there had to be a different and effective way to make me lose even more weight before summer began. And I knew how...

Oooohhh cliff hanger, hope you all enjoyed this chapter, and thank you for reading,liking, and commenting on this story. I love you and have you guys watched The Fault in Our Stars??? I havent and I want to sooooo freakibg bay, I would even sneak in and watch it from a vent just to see it. But right now everything is complicated in my family so idk if i will be able. Oh well :/. Tell me how it is? Did you cry? Reasons why I should watch this movie? ( so my parents  will let me) etc. Thank you so much ~ ALy :*

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Bye bye loves :)