My Secrets. (My Self Harm, EatingDisorders, Bullied,Self hate, and Recovery)

I just want to be loved?

Throughout the school years in elementary, I got bullied, teased, and rejected by many people. Whether it would be in class during group projects, to getting kicked out from playing with others at simple games like tag, double dutch,, hide and seek, and more. And because of the rejection by others, I didn't participate in class at all. I was from a straight A's and B's student, to a C's D's and F's failure. I also didn't speak or have a voice during school, I never asked questions or answered any. I knew there would be smarter people that would do that for me so what's the whole point?

I became more aggressive towards everyone because of the loss of socializing with others, I began arguing and even physically fighting with other pupils because of them not accepting me. I was a mess, and my parents got reports on what I was doing wrong at school. My dad was very understanding and told me to tell them to fuck off and not listen to them. But it was hard, it really was. Not even 10 years old, being very obese for my age, not going with the trend, and being a social outcast. How was I going to be strong very single day? I didn't dare to go in the bathrooms either, I knew I would see myself and girls in there, and they were nasty so I just waited until I got home eww.

With minimal to any friends childhood was rough, and having a younger sibling and all the attention being brought to them, life at home didn't make it easier. Also since, I didn't try my hardest at homework or reading, my mom sent me to expensive classes during the summer, and summer school regularly.

I just wanted to be loved.